Mrs or Ms?

I had never really given the issue of status much thought before mine was changed rather abruptly. I later found it perplexing to fill in forms or when asked what my title was. Er... is it Mrs or Ms?

Let's say I have to fill in a form and I am required to tick only ONE of the two boxes available:

Marital status / Status perkahwinan:

a) married/berkahwin, or b) single/bujang.

Which one do I tick?

Technically, I'd probably still be considered married. Well, if you can call a dead man my husband, that is! Hmm... Or is it actually asking whether you have ever been married? (as opposed to being single but always with a partner? nothing to do with virginity here, right? chuckle!)

Or perhaps technically, I'm actually considered single - because I am now a single parent, am I not? I no longer have a spouse or partner, do I? Oh, gosh - there's so much humour in this all!

Apparently, in the western society it is actually customary for widows and divorcees to still be considered married, regardless of the technical issues, thus continuing to carry the title Mrs. For those who take their husband's surnames, then even as a widow or divorcee, you'd still be Mrs Brown (your late/ex- husband's name), unless of course, you choose not to and revert to your maiden name, eg: Ms Smith (your dad's surname).

When my status changed, I actually pondered over this for a while. Let's see, I still held on to my dad's name (ie: my maiden name) from the very beginning, while donning a Mrs to indicate that I'm married - not to my dad of course! Hence, when Mr.D passed away, it made me think: perhaps I should have always been Ms Daddy's-name?

Surely, if the form you had to fill in had these options, it would have been much easier:

Marital status / Status perkahwinan:

a) Married / berkahwin

b) Single / bujang

c) Divorced / janda / duda

d) Widowed / balu / do they have a masculine form or is it duda as well?

In Malaysia, it is more straight forward. Once you are married, you carry the title Puan and stick to that for life, regardless of whether you've been widowed, divorced or the number of times you've been married (to the same person or not - *chuckle, like Joan Collins!). Hey, how come only the women have issues? The men will always be Mr or Encik regardless of their marital status!

For working women, the title Ms is very convenient. It's a safe assumption and it'd save you from being caught in embarrassing situations. I know people often have to go to further lengths to find out or research whether a certain woman is married or not, so that she will be properly addressed.

It is always a rather embarrassing matter. Yes, so many kind people have meant well when starting a conversation with me, So, is your husband with you? / what does your husband do?

It's awkward. I get awkward and very uncomfortable when asked this, often by a stranger. Sometimes I end up telling the story from A-Z, sometimes only snippets, while there are times when I just tell a big white lie to cut the story short - He's not here. End of story. Now, please bug off!! Some of them can be such curious and inquisitive folks that a response such as, Oh, I'm a single parent would not be enough to quench their thirst for general knowledge. They'd ask and keep on asking... *sigh*

I am therefore, still Mrs D. Occasionally I do use Ms but really, who cares?

who do you look like?

This is among the posts I've drafted out ages ago but never published . You see, I'm a person of spontaneity. I write whatever comes to mind. If I saved an entry, the chances of going back to it is pretty slim. However, as I went through my unpublished posts, I thought I'd just get this one out. Not that I'm JK Rowling or anything!!!

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Some people are born a twin or in multiples. Then, there are identical twins and fraternal twins. If you are an identical twin, then you have found at least one person who looks like you. If not, then it is believed that there are 7 people who look alike on this planet called earth. Source? I'm not too sure myself!

Hence, sometimes we associate some people we personally know with another acquaintance because they look incredibly similar. For instance, a cousin to an office-mate. In more obvious scenarios, we associate celebrities with a personal acquaintance. You might have an Indian version of Tom Cruise, for example, or a Malay friend who looks like Angelina Jolie. I used to think that my junior in primary school looked a wee bit like Helena Bonham Carter. Probably not so much now though!

Or, more interestingly, YOU might look like a celebrity yourself. Well, you may not intentionally want to be a look-alike, but at least some people think so. Ergo, tell me (especially those who've been so secretive with their images, ehm ehm..), is there any celebrity you look like? Never mind about being called perasan. It's just who you faintly look like. We don't have to go international. Could there be a Rosyam Noor or Azhar Sulaiman look-alike among the bloggers, if not Deanna Yusuf or Sharifah Amani (not when bald, eh)? A Shah Rukh Khan, perhaps?

Me? My ex-colleagues and Mr D used to tease me by saying that I looked like Kate Winslet. Oh, please... It would be an insult to her! The film was released late 1997 and that was when I shed off more than I gained during my pregnancy to the twins (yup, gained 25+ kgs, lost 35+ kgs). Before some of you begin to even imagine a Malay version of Kate Winslet, you'd better just stop. My kids can vouch that I look NOTHING like her. HaHa!

Many, many years ago, some ex-students thought I was a Joanna Bessey (of Kopitiam) look-alike. Look, even Joanna is laughing about it! Our chubiness was probably what made us similar. So you see, Joanna doesn't look like Winslet and I don't look like neither of them.


Come on people... I'm D and I look none other than myself! LOL. (Surely BAMZ107, Bluewonder, AZ and mamasarah can verify this!) .


Anyway, which celebrity do you look like?

ps: Mr D thinks I also look like someone else now but I totally totally disagree, thus I'm not including it here. Now I think he's the one who's perasan! LOL.

Last Sunday, I had guests. Well, okay, I now have guests almost everyday, since Mr D came back from the hospital. However, what made the guests on Sunday a little bit different was that they're my relatives and they had just arrived from Malaysia.

Abang Y is my second cousin but he can easily pass as my dad. Yes, he's about two and a half decades older than me. He calls my dad (who's probably about a decade older than him) "Pak Teh", hence I call him the 'Abang' title.

Naturally, Abang Y's children are of my age (and younger). The eldest, N, who is now in London (have settled down there), is 3 years older than I am. Her second daughter is my age - my friend. We have always called each other by name, ergo, nothing's a big deal here.

But now, N has a daughter who's about my children's ages. And I am now considered a grandma to her. Euuucchhhh!!!!! The dad actually referred me as the 'Wan', and I just couldn't believe my ears. Is this for real? Am I in denial? Why does it all sound so bad? Oh dear... I never really thought that I'd be like this. After all, I am only "half-past thirty" (borrowing a dear friend's words). Can't she just call me Mak Su, like my other nieces and nephews, or Aunty, like my friends' children?

So, okay, I am now a granny. I've been playing around with the options: Wan, Nenek, Opah (Mr D suggested this - No Way!!), Wan Su, Nek Su, Granny, Nanny .. HaHaHa. Nope, if I'm getting a grandmother title, I'm doing it the Malay way. I'm not going to be a nanny (translated: trained person to look after children). Hence, the quest begins... for the most suitable title to carry; not very glamorous yet containing enough charm. Errr, what charm can a grandmother possibly have? *sigh*

Now, the biggest joke is my kids have suddenly discovered that they are Uncles and Aunt!! My Little D can't help laughing away to think that he's Uncle Dean now. No, they get to be children and omit the titles.

What do you think? Are titles important, or should we just call each other by name, just like the Mat Saleh?