The cookie

A friend once told me that I was a "tough cookie" when I expressed my doubts over completing a certain task (what exactly, I don't remember!). In fact, I think people around me often have that similar perception about me. Well, perhaps I'm just not the type to mope around fussing about the difficulties of life. I'm not a strong person, no siree, but I know that one has to be strong (or pretend to be strong) when faced with the trials of life.

However, at this point, this tough cookie is almost crumbling into pieces...

Yet I try to mask my fears and concerns as I am certain that the Almighty is always close to us.

It's Mr D. His health is deteriorating. It's like watching a plant wither to its roots. He's lost the kilogrammes he regained after losing them a few months ago. He's pale - his hands, his face, and even his inner eyes... He can't eat, he can't sleep at night. He stays awake reciting the magical words of the Holy Quran when all's amiss. The doctor? I'm almost giving up on them but we're giving it another shot tomorrow.

Earlier today we went to a Chinese Herbal Practitioner. A session of acupuncture costs £30, and a week's supply of the herbal concoction £35. We only took the herbs.

What's wrong with Mr D this time, I hear people asking? So far, we've got the DVT/PE under control, InsyaAllah. It's just that he has developed some sort of heartburn/gastritist/ulcer, probably side effects of some earlier medication he took. When we went to the GP for advice a fortnight ago, she prescribed a certain type of medication to soothe the pain, but cancelled another item which had reverse effects on his DVT. It never worked. Instead, his condition is worsening.

I am neither writing to complain nor to seek sympathy. I hate doing just that. I am writing as a means of expressing myself. As a way of preserving this crumbling cookie. No, I don't think I am going to crumble. It just feels like it.

To people who know me, please don't panic... I am still sane and rationale, and still able to take things one at a time. Okay, sometimes two steps at a time. I will persevere, God-willing.

But I'd appreciate some prayers for Mr D's good health. That's all I want. To see him smile his cheery smile to us and not be in pain any more... To sleep when it's time to and maybe even be strong enough to fast during this special month.

Allah's testing us, I know. So I'm not letting the cookie crumble.