Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The cookie

A friend once told me that I was a "tough cookie" when I expressed my doubts over completing a certain task (what exactly, I don't remember!). In fact, I think people around me often have that similar perception about me. Well, perhaps I'm just not the type to mope around fussing about the difficulties of life. I'm not a strong person, no siree, but I know that one has to be strong (or pretend to be strong) when faced with the trials of life.

However, at this point, this tough cookie is almost crumbling into pieces...

Yet I try to mask my fears and concerns as I am certain that the Almighty is always close to us.

It's Mr D. His health is deteriorating. It's like watching a plant wither to its roots. He's lost the kilogrammes he regained after losing them a few months ago. He's pale - his hands, his face, and even his inner eyes... He can't eat, he can't sleep at night. He stays awake reciting the magical words of the Holy Quran when all's amiss. The doctor? I'm almost giving up on them but we're giving it another shot tomorrow.

Earlier today we went to a Chinese Herbal Practitioner. A session of acupuncture costs £30, and a week's supply of the herbal concoction £35. We only took the herbs.

What's wrong with Mr D this time, I hear people asking? So far, we've got the DVT/PE under control, InsyaAllah. It's just that he has developed some sort of heartburn/gastritist/ulcer, probably side effects of some earlier medication he took. When we went to the GP for advice a fortnight ago, she prescribed a certain type of medication to soothe the pain, but cancelled another item which had reverse effects on his DVT. It never worked. Instead, his condition is worsening.

I am neither writing to complain nor to seek sympathy. I hate doing just that. I am writing as a means of expressing myself. As a way of preserving this crumbling cookie. No, I don't think I am going to crumble. It just feels like it.
To people who know me, please don't panic... I am still sane and rationale, and still able to take things one at a time. Okay, sometimes two steps at a time. I will persevere, God-willing.
But I'd appreciate some prayers for Mr D's good health. That's all I want. To see him smile his cheery smile to us and not be in pain any more... To sleep when it's time to and maybe even be strong enough to fast during this special month.
Allah's testing us, I know. So I'm not letting the cookie crumble.

27 comments:

idham said...

D...

my heart sank reading this...

i offer my prayers for Mr D's recovery and for his pain to be lessened...i pray for the tough cookie to not crumble...

Mahalnya medication d sana...especially bila di convert to MRinggit.

idham

bAiTi said...

Kak D,

May Allah ease everything for you and your family. Keep on doa, insya Allah.. everything will goes well.

cikdinz said...

sabar kak D. semoga semua nya sihat kembali...

13may said...

alehaii.....sabar bebyk kak D.

kc said...

may Allah grant you super patience during this tested time D. my heart goes out to u & yr husband foremost. how is he coping with the situation and most importantly how are u coping with this? and taking care of the kids some more..

i pray that this is only a temporary phase and like u said its just a test from Him.

take care and keep posted ok?

A.Z. Haida said...

my doa is with you, Mr D and the whole family.
la tahzan wa la takhaf, innallaha ma'as sobirin...

Minci said...

It's times like this that I wish I could give a sound medical advice or pills to make one better.. alas, I have not the knowledge or confidence to do that yet.
So, I could only offer my prayers to you and your family.
HE's testing you because He knows you're still a 'tough cookie'.

Rd said...

Dear D,

My do'a for you to be strong and sabar.. and for Mr. D to be recovered. At times like this when we are faraway from close family, we seem to be easily weaken.. but I believe you are one TOUGH cookie...

Take care D

halwafy said...

D,

Anything we can help you with..?? Please, please do ask for help if you need any - we're far away but insh we'll help in any way we can..

Insh Mr D will get better soon. Those herbs sound promising. We'll pray for his health, too.

Take care.

Ms Istanbul said...

Hi d,

Hope the medication works. For every test God gives, I'm sure there is a reason behind it. We try to find positive things and it helps us to be a better COOKIE. :D

Kak Elle said...

d please be strong for everyone...whats the latest on mr d?are they doing all possible tests on him?

my doas for his quick recovery and my doas for you and the children too.

take care:)

~ahni~ said...

Salam Ramadhan.

Doa di bulan ramadhan ni InsyaAllah mustajab.

pakcikjam said...

I pray to Almighty Allah to give His cure to Mr D, and patience to both of you, and blessings to all of us in this holy month. aameeen.

D said...

idham,
thank you for your kind prayers...

baiti,
I never give up praying because there's no one else to turn to! Thanks for the du'a.

cikdinz,
thank you... insyaAllah

13may,
Ye.. semua dugaan Illahi..

kc,
we get by. I believe Allah is always with us, protecting our every moment.

AZ,
thank you for the sincere du'as..

minci,
hurry up and be a great doctor. Then I can refer to you always! The cookie's still here.

rd,
yes, it takes a lot of strength even to pretend to be strong. Earlier today, I actually broke down at the doctor's and Mr D just looked at me in surprise! YOu see, I have always put on a brave act and never shown him how worried I am (I only cry when he's not in the room). Tough ke tu?

halwafy,
Thank you so much dear, for the kind offer. Will keep that in mind. Mr D thinks the herbs have good effects on him. We're trying for a week.

ms istanbul,
your soothing words are most appreciated. I'm just wondering, how good can a cookie be?? Rock-hard? Enhanced flavouring? HeHe..

kak elle,
many thanks... Yes, I have no other option, do I? Have to be strong...

ahni,
InsyaAllah.. (tapi it's the time of the month for me!)

pakcikjam,
jazakallah...

ADIEJIN said...

hey tough cookie..cookies never crumble..they grew tougher as days passed by. Hang in there and be strong for ur hubby. He needs u most now..take care

Dad of Four said...

D - Our du'as are with you for Mr D to get better....Just hang on ok...Everything'll be fine, with God's grace.

Restless said...

Stay strong, Kak D!

Darling said...

d dereast,

mungkin ni dugaan untuk u dibulan puasa ni. mcm ayat baby, puasa ikhlas byk dugaannya. which is i dunno either its true or not..

ps: d, meh ur no. i'll give u a call :)

Helena said...

Dear D, my heart goes out for you. DO stay strong yah...

raggedyanne said...

my prayers for the Ds. Hang in there.

IBU said...

Salam D,
Hope Mr D will get well soon. hMy prayers for his speedy recovery, insyaAllah....

Amalkan Surah As-Syifa, insyaAllah.. semuga Allah meringankan dugaan kesihatan Mr D.

Take care!

juwaidah said...

Hang in there D. Hope Mr. D will recover soon, with all the love and attention that you've showered him. And hope the kids remain strong too..

blossom said...

Dear D,

Please be strong ya. If you could spare some time to read your gmail..

Take care..

MULAN said...

ramadhan kareem to u & family..

yeah, be strong. insyaAllah he'll recover soon..!!!

Theta said...

Salam D,
Hope and pray that Mr D gets well soon.
Take care and Ramadan Kareem.

-first time commenter-

bluewonder said...

bnyk2 bersabar. may u have the strength and patience to go through this very difficult phase in your life. Salam to Mr D from me and abgngah.

will alert kk klub so that we can all pray for his speedy recovery.

noora said...

salam d,
i just heard the news from bluewonder who wrote in to our kk kona.
i was really surprised n hope u dun feel like u r alone over there as we r all here praying n wishing for mr d's speedy recovery, insyaAllah.

i thought ur long absence from kk kona was due to ur bz homely schedule.. i never sensed tht something was amissed.

stay tough d n let's all cherish the memories of the better days n come together as we offer our prayers to u n ur family.