Mrs or Ms?

I had never really given the issue of status much thought before mine was changed rather abruptly. I later found it perplexing to fill in forms or when asked what my title was. Er... is it Mrs or Ms?

Let's say I have to fill in a form and I am required to tick only ONE of the two boxes available:

Marital status / Status perkahwinan:

a) married/berkahwin, or b) single/bujang.

Which one do I tick?

Technically, I'd probably still be considered married. Well, if you can call a dead man my husband, that is! Hmm... Or is it actually asking whether you have ever been married? (as opposed to being single but always with a partner? nothing to do with virginity here, right? chuckle!)

Or perhaps technically, I'm actually considered single - because I am now a single parent, am I not? I no longer have a spouse or partner, do I? Oh, gosh - there's so much humour in this all!

Apparently, in the western society it is actually customary for widows and divorcees to still be considered married, regardless of the technical issues, thus continuing to carry the title Mrs. For those who take their husband's surnames, then even as a widow or divorcee, you'd still be Mrs Brown (your late/ex- husband's name), unless of course, you choose not to and revert to your maiden name, eg: Ms Smith (your dad's surname).

When my status changed, I actually pondered over this for a while. Let's see, I still held on to my dad's name (ie: my maiden name) from the very beginning, while donning a Mrs to indicate that I'm married - not to my dad of course! Hence, when Mr.D passed away, it made me think: perhaps I should have always been Ms Daddy's-name?

Surely, if the form you had to fill in had these options, it would have been much easier:

Marital status / Status perkahwinan:

a) Married / berkahwin

b) Single / bujang

c) Divorced / janda / duda

d) Widowed / balu / do they have a masculine form or is it duda as well?

In Malaysia, it is more straight forward. Once you are married, you carry the title Puan and stick to that for life, regardless of whether you've been widowed, divorced or the number of times you've been married (to the same person or not - *chuckle, like Joan Collins!). Hey, how come only the women have issues? The men will always be Mr or Encik regardless of their marital status!

For working women, the title Ms is very convenient. It's a safe assumption and it'd save you from being caught in embarrassing situations. I know people often have to go to further lengths to find out or research whether a certain woman is married or not, so that she will be properly addressed.

It is always a rather embarrassing matter. Yes, so many kind people have meant well when starting a conversation with me, So, is your husband with you? / what does your husband do?

It's awkward. I get awkward and very uncomfortable when asked this, often by a stranger. Sometimes I end up telling the story from A-Z, sometimes only snippets, while there are times when I just tell a big white lie to cut the story short - He's not here. End of story. Now, please bug off!! Some of them can be such curious and inquisitive folks that a response such as, Oh, I'm a single parent would not be enough to quench their thirst for general knowledge. They'd ask and keep on asking... *sigh*

I am therefore, still Mrs D. Occasionally I do use Ms but really, who cares?