Monday, November 05, 2007

i am only me

No superstar, no superwoman, no diva, no award-winner. I am only me, as Allah has presented: full of flaws and mishaps.

Thank you all for the kind and encouraging words of condolences and prayers. Again, I bid forgiveness for not being able to reply text messages, emails and blog comments. Sometimes, words just fail me...

What I seek from all now is just a little bit of understanding and space because my heart often misses a beat when questioned, "So, D, what's your plan now?"

Some try to tackle it as cautiously as possible by adding, "I know it is still too early to ask but..."

I beg for a little bit more time from all caring and concerned friends and relatives, for I am now in bereavement and confinement. I am in 'Iddah (العدة; period of waiting) for four months and ten days. This will entail that:
  • I cannot marry another.
  • I cannot leave the house to pursue unimportant matters, including social visits. Work, bank, doctor's/hospital, school, shops (ONLY for the essentials), for instance, would be categorised as important.
  • I can only accept male visitors in the house while my muhrim is around (my in-laws are leaving this Wednesday, 7th Nov, while my dad will probably be leaving at the end of the month).
  • I cannot go back home (Malaysia) during this confinement period [based on a hadith relating that a woman be restricted to the house she normally lived with the late husband].
  • I cannot don any attractive clothing or apply make-up as to avoid fitnah (Al-Ehdad).

A very simple explanation behind all this is to ascertain the father to any possible child conceived. Besides this, it also creates a balance between mourning for the death of a husband and also protecting oneself against censure.

Please understand my situation and condition. Ask me not about what my future is. For now, only Allah knows what is best for me and I need some time to sort things out.

Spare me with praises and good words, for I am no different from any of you. I believe that when the time comes, and we are tested, then everyone will gain the strength from the Almighty.

51 comments:

dith said...

Well said...Alhamdulillah

juwaidah said...

Semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan D dan anak-anak...

akutakcerdik said...

Let sorrowful longing dwell in your heart,
never give up, never losing hope.
The Beloved says, "The broken ones are My darlings."
Crush your heart, be broken.

sheikh abu saeed

MAMAMIA said...

Take care....

Anonymous said...

Semoga Allah S.W.T. mencucuri rahmat kepada Mr. D. I am reading this blog thru ur brother in laws recommedation.... saya doakan anda dan juga anak2 dipelihara and dilindungi Allah SWT senantiasa..Amin.

Ms Istanbul said...

D,

Sometimes all we need is space (which is not something common back home). Maybe thats why I find it peaceful here.

U take care!

Kak Elle said...

D take care and hugs from me and may you and children be blessed always.

Nadia said...

assalamualaikum Kak D,

Heard about this from a fellow smapian (i'm your junior of 6 or 5 yrs I believe - SPM 93).

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raajioon.

May Allah bless you with patience and strength.

3a'dhhama allahu ajraki wa ahsana 3azaaki waghafara limayyitik

May Allah magnify your reward, make better your solace and forgive your deceased.

I'm thinking you might be the same batch as k rina. I know her from our stay in Ames, IA about 10 yrs ago. She's now in Houston, Texas.
But I may be wrong.

hugs,
juli

NJ said...

NJ was here...not too sure what to comment. But insyaallah I will always be visiting you here.

*Hugs

nasriyah said...

Take one day at a time .... and talk to Allah. He will comfort you and be there for you, always.

maklang said...

take care...


hugs from Kerteh...

rd-littlemuffins said...

Salam D,

You said it well.
It's true D, in whatever predicament we went through we need space and what more in a state like yours. It is not easy to answer questions like that when you are still mourning over the loss. Semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya..

It's good for you to share and highlight the 'IDDAH matter. I find that it is not something popularly talked about. Again, may Allah gives you strength to face it.. Amiinn!!

Again, hugs and kisses from me. I'll be away for sometime.. so take care. I'll catch up with you again next year.
Maaf Zahir dan Batin

pB said...

Salam D ...

Take care

Anonymous said...

Salam Kak Dij,

It's very good to share about the 'Edah' period. It is something that people dont discuss openly.

Take care and do what's best for you and the kids. Pray that Allah will show you the Light.

From far,
Rinn.

sYaNa said...

understood :o)

Semoga segala urusan dipermudahkan.

take care, D.

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Semoga Allah swt memberi petunjuk dan rahmat kepada D sekeluarga, diberi kesihatan dan dimurahkan rezeki serta dipermudahkan segala urusan.

Alhamdulillah, Allah telah menggerakkan jiwa2 yang ikhlas menolong D di waktu D sangat memerlukan.

Semoga terus tabah!

Suria Kelang said...

D,

Telah dijanjikan, dalam setiap kesulitan ada kemudahan.

Jaga diri dan jaga anak2.

Farah Buruhanudeen said...

Very well said. What will happen tomorrow, only Allah knows. However, I am sure you know best what to do and Allah will give you all the strength you need. I am a stranger from afar, I will surely doa for you from here...take care, keeps yourself and the kids occupied and try to recover soon. Only time heals...and I hope it heals fast for you, InsyaAllah. After reading your previous post, I cried and everyone in my family did. I feel in a way, your husband had landed in jannah. I hope when death comes to me, I would be the chosen one, just like Mr D. I am sure his deeds were enough to place him among Allah's chosen ones. I was in disbelieve when I read abt how he asked you which road to choose. He's lucky, Alhamdulillah. Be brave and tough OK?

rad said...

D,
When my ayah passed away back in 2003, I honestly don't know much about the 'iddah & what does it entails except for your first & last points (as explained). Sebagai anak, I expected life to go on as usual - work or study. Little that I understand the predicament that mak had to face at that time. After the first 2,3 days when all the children were back at work - mak had to deal with things like paying the bills (going out, buying groceries) & people were also coming & offering condolences (males included). There're also certain taboos @ dos & don'ts that crept up & easily confused with true Islamic teachings. It ain't easy but it's something that we, individually, have to learn!
Thank you for sharing with us.

ajzie said...

Semoga permudahkan segala urusan. Amin.

Hugs frm Ajzie

bAiTi said...

Yup, Allah knows best..

Moga Kak D + kids will always under His guidance.

Dia tidak akan menguji hambaNya dengan ujian yang tidak dpt ditanggung hambaNya..

Ujian, tanda Dia mengasihi kita, insya Allah..

Saya doakan yang terbaik buat Kak D.. insya Allah..

Anonymous said...

Kak D...Take care...

-mamadaniel-

Pinkwatch said...

Thank you for sharing this with us.. it is so easily forgetten these days,, InsyaAllah, my doa to u, everything will go easy and smooth for your life...

please take a good care of urself and ur children...

*hugs*

ays_as said...

Salam Kak D,
Take care dearie... urself n ur precious kids...

doa saya moga Kak D sefamily diberi kekuatan menghadapi dugaan ini and dipermudahkan urusan2

hugs

bimmer553 said...

the best thing to do is to listern to your heart. insyaallah you'll be fine

kc said...

salam d;

take care of yrself and kids. may the process of eddah is smooth on yr side.

keep posted!

Zakiah said...

take care sis.

~ yus ~ said...

take care...

cher said...

assalamualaikum.

Kak D,
On behalf of myself & the batch of smap 87-91, I would like to convey our heartfelt sympathies and deepest condolences. Our thougths are with you and your family.

We share the grief. http://allspam.phpbbweb.com

cikdinz said...

take care kak D.

anggerik merah said...

salam D,

yes..only Allah knows the best.

U take care & be strong as usual

Love and hug from me back home

Minci said...

I suppose teaching is in your blood. Even during hard times, you still manage to educate your blog readers. One I've learnt today and also during that day is about 'iddah'.

I hope it goes well for you cikgu..

darling8tabby said...

take care...semoga semua urusan di permudahkan..amin..

OOD said...

alfatihah.

mak andeh said...

Very well said.

Do take care ~ and may you and anak-anak be in Allah's protection always.

*hugs*

MULAN said...

be strong.. take care.. dear sis..

ruby ahmad said...

My dear D,

My love to you.

My prayers for the best outcome insy. Take care.

Al-Fatihah.

Anonymous said...

salam

i'm a stranger to you, but my heart grives for you and your family for your loss....

insyaallah i pray that the path ahead is the best one for all of you...

please be strong, my duas are with you...

with love from manchester...

Mignon said...

Mafhum Hadeeth
"(often it so happens that) for a certain believer, Allah ordains a high position that he cannot achieve by himself. So Allah afflicts him with some physical or material distress or grief from within his family, whereby he is granted the good fortune of being patient. Thus Allah raises him to the high position originally decreed for him."
(Abu Daud & Ahmad)

Kak Ija, my deepest condolence to you and family, and my thoughts and prayers for you during this difficult time.

-ex smapian

Kak Teh said...

Salam D, Take care.

l!z$$ @)--- said...

salam,takziah to u n ur family.be strong.may allah bless u always..

IBU said...

Salam D

You deserve all the space that you need. Banyak2 bersabar... and my prayers for your & your children well being.

Take care D!

ADIEJIN said...

Semuga diberi kekuatan dan gagah hatimu melalui dugaan getir ini dik. U are chosen by Allah to be tested this way, we pray you come out well and above us all in the search for Ad-Deen. Insyalaallah,

Eddie and Farah

Anonymous said...

Sesungguhnya Allah bersama-sama dengan hambaNYA yang SABAR.

Doa kami Khadijah dan anak-anak dalam perlindungan Allah.

Umi sekeluarga.

KC said...

Stay strong and in Allah SWT we submit.

Take care.

Al fatihah.

TJ said...

Saya kenal arwah masa kami sama belajar di portsmouth dahulu. Kali terakhir berjumpa arwah pada tahun 2003. Arwah adalah seorang sahabat yang baik, banyak menasihati serta membantu saya. Semoga roh Arwah senantiasa di cucuri rahmat Allah dan semoga saudari sekeluarga senantiasa di dalam lindunganNya. Al-Fatihah.

Anonymous said...

Salam kak D..Takziah..Be strong k and take care..Yez ( x-pompey)

Restless said...

Take one day at a time; cross the bridge when you get and on top of everything. take care, dear sweet ole' Kak D.

Faruha said...

Salam D,

Allah memilih D kerana Dia tahu D mampu menghadapi ujian ini.
Dikurniakan 3 wira sebagai tulang belakang D, sebagai penganti Mr. D...
Teruskan langkah, kuatkan hati untuk anak-anak ini sementara mereka mampu berdiri sendiri.

Doa kami sentiasa mengiringi D.
Semoga D terus tabah...kepada Dia kita berserah.

Dib Mossavi said...

Salam Persahabatan D. I am so touched and inspired after reading your Blog and comments from your friends and peers alike. May I add your site to my Blogroll, if you may consent?

Lyana Mauseth said...

kak D,

I must introduce my friend to you..maybe u can help her to be stronger...she lost her husband in jun 2005 and she was pregnant at the time...she is still mourning and I am her only friend...pls help me so i can help her... sometimes when she cries, i just don't know what to say...