Sunday, December 07, 2008


The longing and yearning to perform my Hajj has somehow deepened throughout these few years. I remember telling the late Mr D how much I could 'feel' myself being pushed and crushed in between millions of pilgrims in the Holy Land, yet in the midst of it, be filled with the feelings of tranquility so unimaginable. We had both prayed that we'd be His guests soon, and today, alone I continue the prayers for a quest to be closer to Him.

Since Eidul Adha is just around the corner, I found myself catching up on readings concerning Hajj, to share with the children I teach at the Saturday School. Thus, in between my daily obligations, I squeezed some time to do a little research and compile a simple yet comprehensive structure for the children to understand. In doing so, I became absorbed in the significance of each act, with only tears indicating that the heart understood. It was certainly not the first time I read about Prophet Muhammad, Ibrahim or Ismail, or the incidents behind each act during Hajj. Yet the impact is different this time around.

Somehow, the story of Hajar being left by her husband, Prophet Ibrahim, in a desert with her infant, Ismail, stirred my emotions. It was a test of faith and it tugged hard at my heart to think of the perseverence and will-power Hajar had - in search of water for her hungry son. Would you climb up a hill, and then walk approximately 450metres towards another hill, and then continue pacing the SAME ROUTE for a total of seven times?

Subhanallah... Isn't she a personality so admirable? She wasn't upset for being 'abandoned' by her husband in a desert, compared to us who would be filled with rage and anger for being stood up by a friend or made to patiently wait for a delayed meeting to start. Hajar accepted the divine will and submitted herself to the Almighty without feelings of resentment, regret, or failure. And today, everyone is made to remember and ponder over this historical event when performing the sa'ie during Umrah or Hajj. But do we feel the connection?

Thus, let's continue our journey to be closer to him, calling out,

" Here I am at Thy service O Lord, here I am. Here I am at Thy service, and Thou hast no partners. Thine alone is All Praise and All Bounty, and Thine alone is The Sovereignty. Thou hast no partners. "

Just as I am typing this out, the millions of pilgrims in the simplest form of clothes are all gathered in Arafah; leaving their family, work, and worldly possessions behind. Their ultimate goal is only to surrender and submit to Allah, and to beg for forgiveness. I wept while trying to imagine how it must have felt when Prophet Muhammad gathered the Muslim folks in the year 10th Hijriah and gave his sermon in Arafah containing the last verse of the Quran. Suddenly, my feelings for this great man, the Prophet, became indescribable.
So, wukuf in Arafah is symbolic on its own - the place where Adam and Eve were reconciled upon their arrival on earth. It is also a reminder of the great day of resurrection in Mahsyar where all will come only in their birthday suits but InsyaAllah equipped with their good deeds. Would I be equipped? Thus, back to the acts of Hajj, after wukuf in Arafah, if Allah permits, each will leave Arafah with ALL his sins forgiven. Isn't He just?
Hence, do you now see how much I long to perform my Hajj? I sooooo want to wash my sins away and build up my Imaan for the remainder of my life. I hope nobody will laugh if they heard my children talk about when mommy is going for her Hajj. They know how badly I want to go as I have been preparing them with the idea that when mummy goes for her Hajj, they won't be able to follow. *Giggle*
To all Muslims, Happy Eid! Have you thought about what you're sacrificing this year?


Umi Kalthum Ngah said...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah..


Hanya Allah yang dapat menentukan...dijemput menjadi tetamuNya di Tanah Haram adalah suatu nikmat yang amat besar...

Saya doakan suatu hari nanti, impian D akan tercapai...Amin Ya Rabbul Alamin..

Eid Mubarak!

PS. Tolong doakan juga kepada mangsa malapetaka di Bukit Antarabangsa (awal pagi Sabtu 6 Disember)...dan semoga dijauhi segala bencana seumpamanya pada masa-masa akan datang..Amin

Kak Teh said...

D, Insyaallah, one day you will be His guest. As I have done my Umrah, I now feel the strong urge too to go back there and do the Haj. recently, when i went to see my friend off at the airport, I was fill with such strong emotions and hope and pray that one day, I will join th ecrowd to go there again. Insyaallah.
Yes, the story of Hajr moves me too.

Take care.
Selamat hari raya haji and have a good time with the children.

Kak Elle said...

insya'allah one day you will get to be there..

Madam Markonah said...

I admire (and envy) your strength and faith...

I hope to be one if His guests too :-)

mekyam said...

selamat hari raya haji to you and your children, d!

as everyone says, insya'allah you'll be there.

my late parents used to say, when He has sent the invite, rest assured the ways and means will be found.

my first comment but not first visit.

Just me...Naz said...

Salam Aidil Adha.
Insyaallah one day sampailah kita.
take care, dear.

Iza-Zulkifli said...

kak D, we share the same dream. Insya-Allah, kalau diizinkanNya, kita akan sampai jugak.

mamasita said...

InsyaAllah you'll be doing your Haj soon.Niat baik biasanya cepat makbul.
I haven't even registered kat Tabung Haji.But somehow if kitaorang betul2 nak buat Haji tahun depan,I sense both my husband n I will perform our Haj next year.InsyaAllah.
Selamat Raya Haji to you and your kids ye!

Ms B said...


this morning my girl asked the significance of today's eid. thankfully i got the prophets' names right. *smiles* history is not my strength. *grins* maybe i should let her read this post.

salam aidil adha to u & the kids.

ps: sacrifice is not really an easy task....

Ajzie said...

Salam Aidil Adha.
Insya-Allah, kalau diizinkanNya

13may said...

salam aidiladha :)

Oldstock said...

Salam Puan D,

Selamat menyambut hari raya korban jauh di perantauan. Sekiranya hati puan ikhlas dan terus berazam untuk ke Tanah Suci, insyaallah jemputan dari yang maha Esa untuk menjadi tetamuNya akan sampai jua.

If not this year, it could be the next. If not the next, it could be after that.

D said...

Umi Kalthum Ngah,
Thank you for the du'a. Yes, He decides, whilst we keep on praying. The Bukit Antarabangsa tragedy is indeed very sad - yet, what can we say as history is repeating itself without lessons learnt..

Kak Teh,
yes, must say that I've so far enjoyed the celebration (we've been out during the day, and in the eve, some friends are coming over). Jom gi haji sama jom!

kak elle,
InsyaAllah, soon kan Kak elle?

Madam Markonah,
strength? among my favourite phrases, if you must know or if you catch me saying under my breath, is 'Ya Allah, please give me strength...' Thus, I think I still need tonnes of it! Mana tau, kita pergi sama time and berjumpa di hadapan kaabah nanti?!

how true! We've just got to ensure that we appreciate and grab the opportunity when it comes knocking on our doors!

our time will come, one day - insyaAllah...

ok, kita nak jumpa kat pintu mana nanti iza? ;)

I have registered and probably have enough already, but as we know, the queue is long. I cannot say when is the 'best' time to go, but somehow, I'm hoping for next year too!!!!

ms B,
oh dear... not this post! it's written by a really emotional auntie!! LOL. if you want, i'll email you the power point presentation I prepapred for the children.

yelah, for now, kita teruskan berdoa...

13 may,
selamat eidul adha to you too!!! (errr... guilty lama tak jenguk 13 may nih!!)

yes of course, if not this year then the following year, and so on... semoga panjang umur la ye?!

VersedAnggerik said...


mmg teringin nak ke 'sana'.

hope it will be soon.

mama23beas said...

I wiped my tears reading this D. I soon will have enough in the Tabung Haji for both me and hubby, and I already asked him if I should register.

But part of me is worrying about leaving the kids, I even asked a friend who is staying in Jeddah if it is possible to bring everybody and leave the kids in a daycare or something over there. She said as far as she is concerned, that kind of arrangement is impossible:(. Both my friend and husband did the Hajj while having their two kids strapped to them all the time.

With all the worries, I began to think I might not get His 'invitation' yet or tak sampai seru. I got teary-eyed whenever I think about it.

Juli Herman said...

kak D,

I feel you ... can't wait to go too. A friend of mine and her husband went this year, same batch, she lives in the US though, so lagi senang nak pegi from here. She has 4 kids..left them with her sister who came all the way fr malaysia, and a friend there.

Kak d, you do't have to leave your children lah heheheh...wait sampai the twins post baligh..they can become your legal mahram for you to go to hajj. take all of them with you...

my kids pulak...the boy sebok ckp psl nak kumpul duit nak pegi haji...:P

Ms B said...


canggih! siap ada powerpoint presentation lagi. *winks* yeah. pls email.

emotional aunty is better than a lunatic mom. *LOL* i hope our days get better this week.

Kak Wardi said...

Hi! selamat menyambut aidiladha! sorry lama tak contact.
sama2 kita berdoa semoga kita dapat menjadi tetamu allah.