Thursday, December 11, 2008

Fun for Fathers evening

Another episode of awkwardness in child-bringing.

Little D knows he doesn't have a dad. There's no doubt about it. But when it comes to occasions the school organises especially for 'daddies', I wished that we could just be swallowed up into the earth that very instant.

It's heart-breaking and heart-wrenching... to see a boy of 6 whine and nag to attend the do. It clearly says: for fathers or male-carers. Oh, little 'un, please please please!

So, what do I do?

A. Attend the do dressed up as a man (Princess has a full-proof plan for this!),
B. Talk to the teacher about the situation, and ask if I could come instead,
C. Ask a male friend to bring Little D,
D. None of the above.

Let's go through all these rationally. Firstly, I couldn't possibly pull through A in my right mind! I thank my children for a well-thought plan for a disguise, but I think I've got to take a raincheck . Option B sounds pretty reasonable but I've done this too often (talking to the teacher and requesting for something - to be excused from an event or something similar); sometimes with a tear or two escaping. It's an embarrassing situation to be in, and I hate feeling hopeless or appear as if I'm seeking for sympathy or charity. Still, the situation I am in often calls for such measures to be taken. Hence, this time around, I just couldn't bring myself to again, ask for something I wasn't supposed to.
C was somehow not feasible, hence I opted for D.
And Little D did not take it easily. Since the Gruffalo was coming that evening, I tried to pacify Little D by persuading him that we too could have an evening with Gruffalo at home. In fact, Gruffalo was coming over to our place! I took out some coloured paper and pens, and immediately started my project with the teary-eyed. As I didn't have brown cloth in the house, we couldn't make a fancy puppet, but did some stick puppets of the characters in the story, complete with backdrops and all. Hoorah!! Initially I was the one who drew the pictures while Little D and Princess coloured. However, in the end, I found myself being the only person left doing e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g! Typical!
He's now a happy boy who has taken a great interest in books (very proud that he can now read)with Harry and the Dinosaurs in one corner, The Gruffalo in another corner, and some others in a different corner. I finally got my message across: "we don't have a daddy any longer, so there are some things we can't really take part in. BUT, it doesn't mean we can't improvise and do other things together!"

I am sure, however, that this is not the end. There will be more awkward episodes ahead. InsyaAllah, we will survive...


Kak Teh said...

D, you are learning to cross the bridge everytime you get to it. And no one can say that it is easy. I believe you are coping admirably.
Take care, dearest D.

MULAN said...

oh.. kesian little D..

masa di vietnam dulu pun, hubby tak pernah dapat attend any occasions melibatkan 'daddies' @ school, kids grumbled tapi nak buat camna..

be strong sis.. take care..

lupekanje said...

do we hv choice? rather than go thru all that...?? Facing all tht as u said 'awkward' episodes..there's a lot more waiting for u and your children....InsyaAllah..God always be with you..

Stylomom said...

Hello, Kate,now you are Kate to me... thanks so much for the help rendered and thanks for the time, sometimes I wonder how you always manage to squeeze in the time even for litte me... Check your email for the woman's address,..Im going to go out and help the British economy a little more, and perhaps help Woolies recover some losses... you free? Wanna join me?

Kak Elle said...

ala so sad to read this least you ahve few plans kan.

Ms B said...

Couldnt agree more darling. We improvise!!!

There are times that I feel my girl is emotionally troubled and often ask the teachers if they notice anything. The answer is always the same "she's doing really well." Somehow being at school comforts her. i think it's genetic. we are nerds!!! *lol*

we make things work for us, eh? *winks*

ps: thank u for the slides.

myheartbleeds said...

D dearest;

in the end it all works out, kan?? And insya-Allah in THE END kat sana nanti it will work out just right for all of you. I just know it!! Ameen...

Hugs from Ampang

F Manchester said...

What kind of event is that? There's loads of single parents (mostly mothers) in the UK. I've never heard a school do such a thing. I think you should speak to the school... not because of your situation- but how unfair it is to many of the kids at his schools to impose such things.
Plus, if I were you- I would have just gone. I'm sure there will be no bouncer at the door...
Gruffalo! Shahadah loves Gruffalo. We have a whole collection of the books by the same authors.
But what you've done for him- is excellent! your're such a great mum.

ruby ahmad said...

Dear D,

You are a fabulous mom, you know that. I think you made the right decision in not going, but you made effort to make it a great evening for lil D. He is lucky & when he's bigger he will appreciate even more for all the clever decisions & all your sacrifices. Chin up, my friend.

ummi said...

Kak D,

Life is always a test. ntohing come easy with a dad or not. I never remember my dad come to any event in my school although I was on stage every year during primary. It was sad because I had one but seems like never had any at that time.

At the end of the day, doesn't matter who they had, but we are always there for them.

Like you said, you will survive, that's for sure. We all learning while we keep going. Experience is the most valuable teacher and will make us tougher than ever.

Asmida said...

Kak D,
I've been following your blogs for ages, with teary-eyed everytime. This blog has never failed to touch my heart. I have a 3-year-old daughter and her father is away in Malaysia. Guess I understand your feelings. However sad the situation might be, I always convince myself that one day this will be over and there will come a day full of joy for all of us. In the mean time, I swallowed the tears away to keep it from falling down. And you.....are the strongest mother I've ever known. Your kids will be very very proud of you. You're going to look back one day and smile because you've done a great job. Well done!!

Darling said...

opkos u will survive.. walaupun susah walaupun payah, tapi ni yang kena lalui..


mamasita said...

Just carry on D.
Its not easy for you and your kids only when such occasions surfaces,but otherwise you are doing a wonderful job!Keep it up dear Ironlady!

mamasita said...

Hai D,I went through your older posts.I am so sad for your loss.However,I strongly believe you are one very special hamba Allah.Your kids are so lucky to have a mummy like you.Take care ye.

Anonymous said...

Salam D, It has been a while since I've been here. It made me so sad reading this particular entry. I can almost imagine how Little D felt. He is so young to be dealing with something difficult like this BUT you know what he will grow up a very strong person he will, InsyaAllah. All of your kids will, and having a thoughtful mother like you will only make that growing up bit a lot easier. My heart feels for you and I am always thinking of you and your children. We must catch up soon.

MDL said...

Salam D

I have been your silent reader and I marvel at the strength you have. This is not an easy episode for Little D and definitely a hard one for you too.

Please don't mis-interpret the Daddy's/Male carers day as an exclusive event.

It is because mums are the ones who are always involved in the kids' schooling that they do have these Dads/Male carers days. And trust me, usually it is not 100% attendance.

For the record, it is OK for older brothers to accompany younger ones too.

Stay strong, sister D. We can empathise with you and offer our support tapi memanglah berat lagi bahu memikul