The children

I am utterly surprised and touched at the amount of support Mr D and I have received. Friends who we have lost touch, mates we have not met for many years, acquaintances whom we thought might never think much of us, relatives who we don't even have their mobile numbers and not forgetting, fellow-bloggers who we have NEVER met, have somehow reached out to send a soothing word and prayer. Thank you again...

I must also apologize to some of my great friends of whom I have not managed to reply text messages, emails or even comments (I had 29 in the last entry!). I always try my best to respond to them, as good wishes should definitely be acknowledged. However, time is not often on my side...

A celebrity blogger, Prof mki rang me up this morning. This is what I mean by the power of technology. Never did I imagine that friendship through the blogosphere could develop into something so meaningful as this. I have received text messages from kd and mak lang too. Comments from new blog friends send a tingle down my spine and even makes me think: what message have I put across through my words that has given such an impact on people - so caring and understanding?

I have just come home from the hospital with my in-laws. Together with my sister, nephew and niece, they arrived safely this afternoon. Dr S' husband and dear Abang F were kind enough to fetch and bring them to our humble home. The children are happy to suddenly be surrounded by family. Our visitors have brought some delights from home which has definitely put smiles on the children's faces. Initially, I had made big plans to bake Raya cookies, but since the turn of event, I thought, "aaaah.. it'll probably be packet biscuits from the supermarket this year." Now, I have enough kuih raya to last us the whole of Syawal!! They come from my sisters, step-sisters, relatives, and even mamasarah! Even old chummy R from Kuching has managed to squeeze in a cake (thank you, Rxxxxxx!).

Many people have also asked me whether my children know what is going on. They have always known that their daddy is unwell. If you recall me saying, Mr D has been in pain for so long. They have seen the tears that stream down my cheek, and sensed that something is amiss this time around. I have told them what is happening to their dad but their reactions are a little hard to decipher. Last night, I sat the three older ones down (aged 10 - the twins, and 7 - my princess). I told them what was happening and ended it with the usual words I chant daily: "Allah loves us all and He knows the very best for us, no matter what they may be."

With this, I think the children understand the situation a little bit better (though Princess tries to be funny by making ridiculous jokes). I have even told Little D about it. He seemed a little hesitant after listening to it, and asks heart-breaking questions like, "but if Abah is gone, then I wouldn't have any daddy anymore! Who's going to look after us?"

I often remind myself never to be selfish and wallow in self-pity by thinking of how I would ever cope with life without Mr D. Consenting to the divine will means to never allow such thoughts in your mind. That's my theory and I believe that this is the way to step ahead. Redha means to consent the trials that the Almighty has chosen for us. Because of that, self-pity is the poison to mental strength.

Hey, hold on a minute, no one's going anywhere, so cheer up, will ya?