Only to Him should we turn to...

Update! Update! Update!! I know that's what my dear friends out there are chanting. I had one person who called from Dubai and two from Malaysia, a few more from all over the globe texting me messages, asking whether I was fine and why I hadn't updated the blog. I also know now that husbands and wives are fighting over 'who gets to read the latest first'!! How can I thank you all enough?

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By today, my dearest darling has been in the hospital for 17 days. Such vast differences have taken place. When he went in on the 20th October, he was all bones - right up to the ribs. After 17 days, he is now almost all-skin. There's still some flesh in his arms, though not much. If you can imagine that, then you're great. This is especially for people who have known Mr D - from school /uni / work. My Kaypo Klub girlfriends used to refer him as huggable. Well, he's no longer that.

Mr D was supposed to have his radiotherapy session yesterday, but it never happened. Don't ask me why, because I have tried asking those who would probably have the answer. Obviously, only to be disappointed with "I'm not sure, wait for Dr X". Nonetheless, there MUST be an underlying cause behind it. Possibility 1: no slots for him. Possibility 2: they don't think he should undergo the therapy. Wallahu'alam... Will someone PLEASE tell me!!!

Last night, Dr S popped in to see how Mr D was catching on. She pulled me aside and asked me what the next step was. I think she wanted to be sure that I understood everything the oncologist said. I told her our decision: to try whatever he is fit to do; have radiotherapy on his back (only where it hurts), get the stent in (to widen the passage down the oesophagus so that he can eat better) and then once he regains some strength, go for chemo.

Somehow, S was trying to make me see that chemo is perhaps not a good idea, just as the oncologist thinks. Even with the stent in, it will take a long time for him to build up his strength. Remember, it's from skin to bones, and then, to a healthy body.

Mr D, however, is determined to fight this battle. He consents to the divine will but surely, he will not just lie idle, waiting for his time to be up. I am very proud of the strength in him. Yes, my Mr D has always been a fighter! He is one of the biggest risk-takers that I have ever known. That is why he is adamant to go through the chemo despite the horrifying side-effects that come with it. He insisted that I told him what S told me, so I put it as tactfully as possible, and gave him a hint of the gist. His eyes were blaring in anger, "Just put the stent in, and I'll eat my way through!"

At this moment of decision-making and conflict, I have only the Almighty to turn to. He knows what is best for us, and most importantly, what is best for him. Having said this, I pray hard that he is spared such agony and pain so that he can smile and be at ease.

Yesterday and today, I have observed a few improvements in Mr D's health, which I am very confident, is Allah's will, with aid from holy zam-zam and prayers from hundreds of friends. For instance, earlier this week, he'd be having hiccups throughout the day. Three sips of water or two spoons of yoghurt would result in 10 minutes of hiccups. And that's minus the vomits. These past few days the symptoms have reduced. With His will, this is the power of the zam-zam water, with some help from a respectable person (who happens to be my brother-in-law) to read verses of the Quran into the water.

Meanwhile, I can only sit and pray harder than ever.