Monday, November 03, 2008

Today's entry

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

There are several topics I want to write about here (have written some which probably won't see the light of day) but after some consideration, I've decided to post something I shared with friends in Facebook. Here goes...

*****
Friends on FB

How do you decide who to add and who to decline as a friend on FB? Then, of course there's the issue of DELETING names from your list (as FB has indicated that your friend will not be notified about the deletion - a blessing?!). Sometimes you get requests from names that ring a bell - an ex-school mate (whom you might have never spoken to before!), an ex-colleague, or an acquaintance of an acquaintance... Hence, you might add those. But what if the name evokes NO REACTION at all? Ha Ha..


Since I don't deny having a mammoth memory which often reminds me of how fast the clock is ticking or how little I've been exercising my brains, I often try to politely enquire how in the whole wide world did I come to know the person in the first place. Most times, my mammoth memory is to be blamed, but there are incidents where people are just trying to be friendly and extending their friendship (especially of those silent blog readers of mine). There are moments that I click on to names suggested in my sidebar of those I might know of (or might have known). Then again, I might totally be ignored or kindly be accepted. I take it as an indicator of how you stand out there. Whether people saw you or were you more like, invisible; liked or not terribly favoured; or, interestingly enough: whether you don a unique string of names no one can ever forget?!


It is entirely up to an individual to decide which friends are worth having listed in his/her directory but in my opinion, to DELETE a name from the list requires thorough consideration of possible consequences. Perhaps it will help to ask the questions: why? do I need to? is this person an enemy? does this person send me unacceptable and so outrageous applications that I can take it no more? did i make a mistake in the first place of adding him/her? would this person jeopardize my connection with others? how would the person take it - would he/she be ok, offended or insulted? Once you've run through these questions (and are prepared with answers), then by all means, hit the button if you're ready to deal with it.

What's with the topic, I hear you ask? Well, just putting my thoughts down as I've done all the above: hesitated about adding friends, queried and been queried about how I know them, deleted people I never really knew but added them anyway on my list (a second-thoughts' kinda thing), been deleted from their list (and reacted - what the ****?) and of course, been rejected (requests to add)! HaHaHa!


To all Facebook friends out there - don't delete me pleaaaaase!


look at the leaves in autumn - aren't we all just like them? one day we're together up there, and another day we're all down on the ground - brown and stepped on?

****
Friends have kindly commented, and it is quite an interesting topic to ponder on. For instance, Raz mentioned how selective she is at adding friends (no males!) and how helpful a photo is to failing memories! Sally, who's in Ireland, points out that she is very careful with making friends simply because of security reasons and cautions us to do the same. She said that she read a true story which happened in the UK about how a lady was threatened and stalked by a psycho from her friend's list by using her child's picture loaded on FB. Yes, many real-life cases have been reported to be led through by Facebook accounts. Sally also related a much-more-subtle version of a personal encounter that horrified her!

My friend Hanita has summed it all in three simple points:
1. Make sure there are pictures before you add anyone.
2. Do some stalking, will ya? Look at her photos. Look at her list of friends. Ask your friends if they remember this particular person.
3. Look at her particulars - send a private msg, asking things on how your paths have crossed. Must do.

On a more reflective mode, Razmi (who has more than 700 friends!!!) relates the moral behind 'Finding Nemo' to the issue of how life experiences make us bolder and more cautious. He says, " you can never be too open nor too discreet especially in life. balance is the key."

Now, the main thing is, do you have a Facebook account?( I know Kak Teh doesn't!) What do you think of it all?
ps: The original Note on FB was written as a dedication to my friend, N, who shared her utter disbelief and grief of being deleted by a friend. I wrote back to her saying that I too was once gutted to discover I was deleted from a so-called friend's list. Tried to pacify her by saying that perhaps there was a reason for the deletion (yes, we'd like to believe so...). As Samuel Paterson said, "Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen." :)

31 comments:

Kak Teh said...

oh no no no, kak teh doesnt have any facebook account but she has no problems getting a peak at other peoples'! hahaha!

But I have some wonderful facebook moments. will write abt it.

Ms B said...

I dont!!!! And like Kak Teh, I too hv no problem accessing one.

Oh well D, even without FB, I received emails from God knows who (I think it is because I have amnesia when it comes to people back in primary/high school).

And Kak Teh, u wrote about FB moments in NST. *smiles*

ummi said...

Hemm..I have the same kind of problem at first. Who to add and who's not...

But, I set my setting where only poeple I know and only my friend and not friends of friends that can see me and read mine. May be it's not easy to fins friend like that especially a lost friend. But, just a caution one. Try to balance but at the same time not losing control.

It is a tough call.

gee said...

:) this is a good one, sis...more people would be alerted now :) and just so u know...people call me "gee" at school...but i dont mind u calling me "raz" if u want :) and just one question...how do we know if a friend has deleted us from a list again? is that when we want to see their pages that we're not allowed to? or how? and like ummi...my profile is also not public...mine is only up to a friend's friend :) but just the profile...the rest are still private...i hope...he eh he...

anggerik merah said...

D,

I can't share any experience since I dont have facebook. But I must agree on the what Samuel Paterson said...

lil Happy me! said...

Brilliantly said, Mr Paterson. I guess that's why there's few that truly understand me. Ahaks!

D said...

kak teh,
naughty naughty Mama yea?!!

Ms B,
i wonder, could it possibly be selective amnesia? LOL.

ummi,
yes, you're right there. i have chosen to be more open there in FB, compared to here - my blog!

Gee,
HAHAHAHAH!! yelah, dont know what came over me. I think I read the comment written by another friend, calling you Raz. I thought it sounded peculiar but just couldnt put my finger to it. Ampun, Gee.. ampun!!! (told you I have a mammoth memory!)

anggerik merah,
tapi kan... my books banyak jugak la! LOL. but the part regarding 'well chosen' is so so true.

lil happy me!,
hmmm...do i understand you? *giggle*

Anonymous said...

Yeah my name have been deleted by someone i adore but never mind that coz people do face rejection at times. Could be a blessing in disguise.

rad said...

D,
I've been wanting to write abt fb too but you beat me to it - esp on STATUS hehehe...like what's the difference between Single, It's complicated, In An Open Relationship - whether we're looking for a Relationship or Rriendship? And the significance of all that hehehehe...
It's funny when we change status on fb: rad (eg je ok) is now single/married/etc...when actually rad is mmg single pun OR already married for years!!! What a joke!
But soem of my single she-friends are really confuse with the signs from the guys...Hmmmm..
Er, shall we add each other then? Promise never to delete? Huhuhu

lil Happy me! said...

No.. I think la kan. People delete people in FB because people appreciate privacy.

Ye ke?

jooli said...

I have problems keeping in touch even with the few friends on FB. My current policy is not to include office colleagues on FB: I see them everyday! No other reason.

TTYL

simah said...

u dont delete me as well dear!! hehe..
i just simply add those who wanted to be added... simply because.. i dont use PB much ! hahaha..

Yes... it is true...friends should be selected esp the ones we pour our hearts to..

howz life? lama tak contact u.. hope things r well for u... still masuk internet waktiu siang ker?? hehehe

theconfused said...

kak d,

quit a long time tak respond to ur entry, silent reader... the last time i did commented about the pass of your hubby.

FB takdelah kak D, friendster ada... some of my friend said fs dah outdated, but its okay.. sbb that's the only place yg I keep on maintaining... nak bukak yg lain pulak, nak maintain lagik.. so much tedious work.. cewahhh..

btw, jgn accept gitu2 jer any invitation, but once dah accept.. jgn lah gitu2 ja delete kan?

sy pernah delete someone for the reason that he was over limit. I know him, my exschoolmate, thinking that nak sambung semula silaturrahim.. tp.. bile jadik macam tuh, terus sy delete dia... :)

silversarina said...

salam,

akak tak de akaun FB dan tak nak dan malas sebenarnya , rasa tak sempat nak layan akaun FB nanti, dapat kenal kawan2 kat blog pun dah cukup buat akak. Namun memang bagus dapat kenalan dan sambung silaturahim dengan kawan2 lama .

take care !!

A.Z. Haida said...

kak d, personally i think i would rather be ignored in the first place than being deleted after already been accepted. so i'm treating others the way i would like others to treat me... but that's just me...

tapi isy, dengar citer pasal stalkers using FB jadi ngeri la pulak... minta disimpang jauh-jauh...

btw, i promise u won't be deleted. so u too, don't delete me, ok?

Maryam Syahriman said...

Salam Sis

I came across your blog recently. I am so touched by your strength to go on living after the passing of your late husband. We have one thing in common - a pair of twins! Except mine are girls and yours are boys.

Take care always and please continue writing.

May Allah reward you for your patience!

KC said...

ouch! being rejected is hurtful...*sniggers*

thats the reason why i dont have FB account. can't handle rejection very well besides i dont like being poked from behind...ha! ha! ha!

Zarina said...

Assalamualaikum D,

I'm a silent reader of your blog and i found your writings v inspiring and you being v strong in overcoming all obstacles in life.

Can i add you as a friend in my fb?

MULAN said...

FB ok jgk.. jumpa kawan2 lama.. coz ada part yg " frens u might know & want to add".. and yes, been looking for her for so long..

tapi byk keje dgn FB ni..

ruby ahmad said...

Hi D,

Noooo...I'll never delete you. Why in heaven's name would anyone? I hope the same goes for me...please keep me as your friend...ha ha.

Me too, I have been deleted by a few others. Boy! Heartbroken betul...ha ha. I pun wonder why? Maybe they thought too talkative kot! Rugi depa yang delete, lost on gossips that we could share with them..LOL!

Follow your guts lah D. But kalau tersilap, well as they could delete us, so can we! Two can play the game..he he.

PENDEKAR said...

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Yea....I'll die if I lost all my friends.....

wanshana said...

D,

I had a few requests from friends of friends in my FB. I never knew them, and the only thing I could think of as to why they had sent a friend request is because we share a common friend. I have not rejected them, neither have I accepted them. So, they're still there in my "friend requests" box!

So, you can imagine - alangkan strangers pun I tak sampai hati nak reject, ini kan those known to me! Cannot weh...

Those whom I memang kenal, and/or have met through friends - I would accept. But, friends of friends whom I've not met - stay unchecked in the box.

Kak Elle said...

i do get request from unkown people whom I don't know and most I reject them..sori..

and also I sometimes I don't answer from contact ...sori again.

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Oldstock said...

Salam D,

I'm on FB since early this year. I was not invited by any friend but sort of stumbled upon it after seeing many bloggers who also had FB profiles.

After joining, I of course, went into a friend-finding mode and added friends from just about anybody. But most of my FB friends are real life friends too... only a minority are friends of friends, whom I got to know on the network. After the initial excitement was over, I realised that some of the people that I requested to be friends with, did not add me. Initially I thought that these people are choosy but then I realised that they don't know me that well and it's their right if they don't want to be friends with me. So, no probs there.

Later on, this made me selective as to those who wanted me to add them as friends. There are even some, who I know in real life but do not get along very well, that I've refused to add. To me, no need to be berpura-pura, even in cyberspace.

So far, nobody has deleted me from their list, as far as I know. I too, have not deleted anyone from mine although there are a few that I hardly interact with. But since I'm not enemies with them, no harm just leaving them in the list. You never know, paths may cross and the fact that you are FB friends can help you break the ice.

Friends are like stars.... sometimes you never see them, but you know they are there.

Anonymous said...

D,
Tumpang lepas geram je abt fb.. I was deleted by my sister in law...grrr AND her list of friends only those malaysian who stay overseas.. and she is now by chance in DC...

x-smawipians

Earthmom said...

Aha! another FB addict!
So far I just got deleted from my friends who deactivated their account,wondering why they left:( but FB can be addictive and time consuming sometimes. But I only got active on FB couple months ago on my new account, so see how it goes. I tak letak my photo on my FB (just a caricuture of one of my son) so takde banyak friend request except from my ex schoolmates all of whom I diplomatically accepted, except one guy who probably had the longest crush on me in school. I really don't wanna reconnect with him to be honest! I am currently open to blogger friends request now.

maklang said...

komen maklang cam Kak Rina...boleh tak gitu?

jus call me ida.. said...

salam perkenalan kak D..
u are like my inspiration..

Just me...Naz said...

Salam D,
This is my first time here. I got here via Kak Teh's blogg.

Yep! I am on FB but now dah hilang ummph...still drop by once in a while. My general rule, i only accept requests from people i know. Others i delete.

I have also read some of your other entries. To be frank, I just couldn't hold back my tears. You are so strong, D. I am so touched with your strength and the way you handled your children during what must have been one of the most difficult times in your life.
I hope you are doing fine. I wish you well.
Wassalam...

ileena said...

heya aunty d, how are you?:)