"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer
There are several topics I want to write about here (have written some which probably won't see the light of day) but after some consideration, I've decided to post something I shared with friends in Facebook. Here goes...
*****Friends on FB
How do you decide who to add and who to decline as a friend on FB? Then, of course there's the issue of DELETING names from your list (as FB has indicated that your friend will not be notified about the deletion - a blessing?!). Sometimes you get requests from names that ring a bell - an ex-school mate (whom you might have never spoken to before!), an ex-colleague, or an acquaintance of an acquaintance... Hence, you might add those. But what if the name evokes NO REACTION at all? Ha Ha..
Since I don't deny having a mammoth memory which often reminds me of how fast the clock is ticking or how little I've been exercising my brains, I often try to politely enquire how in the whole wide world did I come to know the person in the first place. Most times, my mammoth memory is to be blamed, but there are incidents where people are just trying to be friendly and extending their friendship (especially of those silent blog readers of mine). There are moments that I click on to names suggested in my sidebar of those I might know of (or might have known). Then again, I might totally be ignored or kindly be accepted. I take it as an indicator of how you stand out there. Whether people saw you or were you more like, invisible; liked or not terribly favoured; or, interestingly enough: whether you don a unique string of names no one can ever forget?!
It is entirely up to an individual to decide which friends are worth having listed in his/her directory but in my opinion, to DELETE a name from the list requires thorough consideration of possible consequences. Perhaps it will help to ask the questions: why? do I need to? is this person an enemy? does this person send me unacceptable and so outrageous applications that I can take it no more? did i make a mistake in the first place of adding him/her? would this person jeopardize my connection with others? how would the person take it - would he/she be ok, offended or insulted? Once you've run through these questions (and are prepared with answers), then by all means, hit the button if you're ready to deal with it.
What's with the topic, I hear you ask? Well, just putting my thoughts down as I've done all the above: hesitated about adding friends, queried and been queried about how I know them, deleted people I never really knew but added them anyway on my list (a second-thoughts' kinda thing), been deleted from their list (and reacted - what the ****?) and of course, been rejected (requests to add)! HaHaHa!
To all Facebook friends out there - don't delete me pleaaaaase!
look at the leaves in autumn - aren't we all just like them? one day we're together up there, and another day we're all down on the ground - brown and stepped on?
Friends have kindly commented, and it is quite an interesting topic to ponder on. For instance, Raz mentioned how selective she is at adding friends (no males!) and how helpful a photo is to failing memories! Sally, who's in Ireland, points out that she is very careful with making friends simply because of security reasons and cautions us to do the same. She said that she read a true story which happened in the UK about how a lady was threatened and stalked by a psycho from her friend's list by using her child's picture loaded on FB. Yes, many real-life cases have been reported to be led through by Facebook accounts. Sally also related a much-more-subtle version of a personal encounter that horrified her!
My friend Hanita has summed it all in three simple points:
1. Make sure there are pictures before you add anyone.2. Do some stalking, will ya? Look at her photos. Look at her list of friends. Ask your friends if they remember this particular person.3. Look at her particulars - send a private msg, asking things on how your paths have crossed. Must do.
On a more reflective mode, Razmi (who has more than 700 friends!!!) relates the moral behind 'Finding Nemo' to the issue of how life experiences make us bolder and more cautious. He says, " you can never be too open nor too discreet especially in life. balance is the key."
Now, the main thing is, do you have a Facebook account?( I know Kak Teh doesn't!) What do you think of it all?
ps: The original Note on FB was written as a dedication to my friend, N, who shared her utter disbelief and grief of being deleted by a friend. I wrote back to her saying that I too was once gutted to discover I was deleted from a so-called friend's list. Tried to pacify her by saying that perhaps there was a reason for the deletion (yes, we'd like to believe so...). As Samuel Paterson said, "Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen." :)