Doing the right thing

I meant to write an entry on healthy diet last week, after the term break but found myself bogged down with other matters.

Well, during the term break, I had to ensure that the house was filled with food for the kids. You know how kids are: always wanting a snack and munching on something. So, instead of stocking up on biscuits, crisps and chocolates (ooppss!!), I bought plenty of fruits instead. In two and a half days, the two bags of oranges, one bag of apples, one bunch of bananas and two small buckets of plums were all gone! We had them in all forms - smoothies, shakes, fruit salads and just simple slices.

Like every other mother, I worry about the kids not wanting to eat vegetables. But with the 5-a day campaign (5 portions of fruit/vegetable) that Britain promotes, I think that substituting fruits for vegetables is not too bad after all. Click here or here for further information.

Back home, my sister, Kak Long, is going through a no-starch diet, changing it to an all-vegetable and fruit diet. Oh-uh.. Kak Long is not much of a vegetable eater, nor is she good at keeping to strict diets (pantang). The more reason that I feel like rushing home and fuss over my big sister! I've typed out a range of meals in a table form - complete with simple recipes. Some I got from the Net but most just from what I do from time to time. Kak Long's having trouble keeping to the vegetarian diet (no animal produce) and finding it hard to cope with the hunger.

In my opinion, she's not doing it right - not the right amount, not the right choice of veges/fruits, not often enough and not appealing enough. Of course, without sugar or salt, food becomes bland and tasteless. But there are ways of making our diet interesting. Well, at least we have to try to make the best out of things.

I'm probably the last person on earth to be writing about health. However, it is always my intention to try being as healthy as possible, and also to prepare healthy meals for the children. While growing up, my ageing parents were rather conscious of their food intake, and it certainly rubbed on me a little. In 1997, my step mom was diagnosed with lymphoma (early stage) and she went through a serious process of change of diet. I've seen the work of chemotherapy and radiotherapy - how it weakens the body with nausea, vomit and sheer lethargy. The burning sensation, the falling of hair, the loss of weight. But my step mom Alhamdulillah recovered, and it has been as long as the age of my twin boys - 11 years.

I am hopeful that Kak Long will be better. She needs a little push, perhaps. A little nursing, pampering and fussing. She needs all the support and love possible. It is not easy and it won't be easy.

My past experience made me read a lot about caring for a cancer patient, and also understanding the cancer patient's feelings. The sheer pain my late husband went through resulted in a lot of psychological and emotional upturns. And I had to bear them all. Almost single-handedly. It certainly wasn't easy.

Sometimes friends and relatives mean well when they come visiting but at times, these can also erupt negative feelings and vibes. I recall a friend whose mother (advanced stage of cancer) refused visitors simply because she felt they were too overwhelming for her to handle. This is totally understood.

Visiting the poorly is a good gesture and recommended in Islam, but one must keep to the common etiquettes or adab. Make the visits short (and sweet - by bringing gifts either for the one who's sick or for the family. Even a piece of prayer is good enough as a gift!). Avoid coming in a crowd - preferably without children. Mr D suffered a sense of panic attack every time hoards of people came to visit. The strange faces, the bullets of questions, and the filled up room always choked him to despair. He'd lose appetite if he were eating, and he would vomit the contents of his stomach out, as a result of the anxiety. If you asked the wrong question, he'd be puking the next minute. But how does one know what would possibly be the wrong question?

Please try to be sensitive to the poorly, especially to cancer patients. Offer kind and motivating words, only if you think you are able to do so. If, on the other hand, you are not one who is so diplomatic or careful with your words, refrain from talking too much. This is not the time to be sarcastic, patronizing or resentful. And do bear in mind, the patient and the family can be rather sensitive at this point. Cancer is a disease everyone is afraid of. Smile and offer good words. It goes a long way, InsyaAllah.

Some take an easier step out: to stay away from the sick - no phone calls, no visits. They either say they wouldn't be able to control their emotions or that they wouldn't know how to react. Again, this is normal. In my opinion, visiting or calling up the family members to give support is another option to consider. Do not make excuses for not being able to come. It makes things worse. Remember - the less you say, the better.

Oh dear, I've moved from talking about health to dealing with cancer patients. See how the mind works? Well, hope everyone eats healthily so that they remain healthy (God willing)!