Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Wait, my darlings...

Mummy, when are we going to start packing?

Later... when I feel like it.

Mummy, can we start packing now?

Not now.

Mummy, let's start packing.

I've been stalling and delaying. And so, this morning, I brought down the bags and slumped myself next to them. I've got my list ready, and I've also put some of the children's clothes aside. In one of the luggages, are the late Mr D's clothes which I have put aside: his collection of Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts.

As much as I want to rush home and be with my sister, a huge part of me is finding it difficult to feel so excited. I try to - with fond memories of the past, and possible excitements involving aromatic food and great companion. Yet, I know that despite the hustle and bustle, and giggles and laughs, the hollowness will echo. Ironic, isn't it - that life can be so full yet so empty?

I know that living in the past - of sadness and melancholy - is not good. I am not. I have faith in the Almighty and I believe in consenting to the divine will. What I am going through is a step into the future: to step ahead, and return to the place where 10 years of love was nourished. It will definitely bring back memories as everything in that room of ours has its own significant story. The hanging on the wall, the pictures in the frames, the furniture in the room... It is going to be painful but I've got to do it. Perhaps, the timing is not so good (with sister's predicament), but who are we to go against what Allah has decided?

It's normal to go through all these, I'm sure (it is normal, isn't it?). Therefore, I'm moving on and braving it all out. Even with one best friend gone back to our creator, one best friend given up on me, and one best friend moving away soon, I still have my bestest friend - the Almighty forever and ever with me... And oh, so many friends who bring smiles to my face!

Now I'd better start packing! 7 days to go!!


juwaidah said...

Dear D,

Tabahkan hati.. Be strong okay?

Hehe.. teringat masa we all nak balik Msia dulu.. The kids yang paling tak sabar! Dok tanya je, bila nak naik flight.. :)

MULAN said...

welcome home... semoga dipermudahkan segalanya..

Ms Istanbul said...


There are times that we feel we have no friends (esp when you need to vent yourself for whatever reason).

But we try our best to think about what we have. For both of us, it's our kids. Their smiles ALWAYS brighten our days. That keeps us going. Also, there are friends who show up at odd places, eh? *winks* that too should keep us smiling.

F manchester said...

D, I'm possitive that all this sadness and melancholy you're feelling will go away once you're actually back amongst family and friends. Knowing you, all efforts will be directed to your sister/family and all that you feared for yourself would have been pushed aside and disappear before you know it! ;)

Nadia said...

Kak D,

Time does lessen the pain somewhat, inshaallah.

Your doa during travelling is priceless...so make lots!


ummi said...

Kak D,

Of course it's normal. It's not normal if someone in your position won't feel anything. That doesn't mean that we not strong. Test come, we go through it. It's hard to bear. Yet we need to step out. It's life.

I read from this blog:

She got husband but they fall apart because of man made law.

I read from another blog about a sister who went to hijrah to another country to please Allah but yet she had to be far from husband. Now, she think back what important after her husband miss her.

When I read all this blog, I just realize that there are all sort of problem and test that Allah had send to us especially muslim now a days.

AT the end of the day, I'm always remind my self, nobody perfect and nobody can get everything. You always ended up had to sacrifice something for something else.

I believe you can go through it after all this. Don't you forget as well that I'm here all by my self...yet I never feel alone or empty..Allah always there with us..

fadzas said...

Salam D,
semua yang D rasa is normal, D krn kita manusia biasa. Allah Maha Mengetahui akan hambanya dan Dia tidak menguji kita dgn sesuatu yang tak mampu kita lalui.Be strong my dear....InsyaAllah, moga kita juga berkesempatan bertemu pd reunion akan datang.