So very sorry to cause such a stir back there. Ha Ha Ha! No, people, D is not going to stop blogging. Not yet, anyway!! Pause to reflect has definitely NOT met its end yet.
Perhaps what I wrote was more true of what I felt approximately two months ago. But I have gone beyond that; I have decided that I will go on blogging as long as I have the time and a topic to write about.
However, the reactions of fellow bloggers and silent readers are all very interesting indeed. Now, how do respond to the phone calls and texted messages? How do I explain myself?
Let me respond to the overall comments that came in my last post.
Firstly, I write because I want to write, and I like to write. I love expressing myself using words - written or typed. I have done this through journals, letters, emails, stories, blogs, etc. Now, one can never deny that when you write, you write for an audience. Writing is a mode of communication, and it is important for the writer to always keep the reader in mind. It keeps you focussed. Therefore, when one writes in a blog, and sets it for the whole world to read, the writer has already decided that the blog would be read by the world, normally with a particular group in mind. So, please get this clear: of course I write for myself - no doubt about it, but I also have my audience to think about. I never write simply to please the audience. I do things Lillahita'ala, so I'm fine in this area, don't you fret.
Secondly, when one writes with an audience in mind, he or she would have to be prepared with the consequences of his/her writing and accept all comments given. I do that. Few have been unpleasant, few disrespectful, but I'm done with deleting comments (think I only deleted 3 because they put my name up before I put my picture on the blog for the first time). It's a free world. What's much bettter is, the amount of nice words left in the comment space - more warmth than the freezing cold! So, there goes - I don't care about what people say.
Having said this, however, I cannot deny that writing this blog has changed my world in so many ways. Some may think it's as easy as switching the lights off. Turning a blind eye, waving a goodbye. But no, somehow, my blog started with 0 audience, to about 30 average. Then, it has now gone to hundreds, a bit intriguing that most are silent readers. Flattered I am, but isn't that also spooky? No, some of you don't know this, and cannot imagine this. So, spend some time to reflect on this: you are no longer anonymous and more people who know you are reading your rantings, or reflections. Don't you get a little conscious that you might hurt a certain someone, or provoke certain reactions? I mean, you don't go around telling everyone everything, do you?
Let me also set this clear. I avoided writing depressing entries because I didn't want to feel depressed, and fall deep into the pit again and again. Yes, I am still in bereavement, in 'Iddah - I can still grieve. But please imagine how it is living your days as the 'everything' to your 4 children in a land far, far away. I have friends and relatives, yes. But I still bear everything on my own. I have been like a yoyo - going through life with feelings going up and down. At times, I get tangled in between while at other times, I can 'walk the dog', and enjoy the stroll. It's part of the process. I'm done with going to the doctor's for a sick-note. I decided not to write depressing entries because I hated it when someone comes to say some encouraging words which I already know very well. Instead, my therapy was (and still is) to turn to good friends back home and chat online with them. Thank you peeps!
I have no problem with sharing because I am an educator. I love sharing experiences with others, and am happy if it does help someone somehow. So, I am going on writing here, in this humble blog of mine. Yes, some friends who hang around the same spot as I do (Halwafy, hehe..?), would have known even before I wrote this posting that you have not heard the last of me. There's a book (okay, books actually) in mind now and hopefully with some help from dear ones, I'd get these published soon!(haha - the book I wanted to write last year has gone down the drain since the turn of events: sorry Prof!).
So, thank you for all your support and kind words. This blog will continue with its business as usual. Will try to blog-hop as frequently as before, so my apologies if I have not been that active recently.