Another Mother's Day...

A visit to the supermarket a few weeks ago reminded me that it was that time of the year again - Mother's Day or Mothering Sunday, as it is called in the UK. The aisles were filled with all sorts of attractions which set the siren blazing - I had to keep my children away from them all!!! So when I found myself stepping into a supermarket with my children on Saturday evening, I diverted traffic and avoided the 'danger' zone.

The reason I did this was simply because I cannot bear think of my children worrying about how to get their mommy a gift - who was going to help them do it discreetly. They simply do not have any other adult who would become their confidante. Not anymore. I am their all - their hope, their sunshine, their rain. Hence, the next best thing to do was to protect them and hide them from the horrible world of commercialism.

Yet today, my charming Fantastic Four managed to surprise me with cards and a box of chocolates! How and where did you buy these? I repeatedly asked. They beamed but refused to share their little secret.

It is undeniable that a gift from our children will put a smile on our faces and make our hearts glow with pride. However, what we often forget is that the reward in the hereafter is incomparable and will be heavenly priceless! If only I could remember this every time my voice goes a note higher, or my nerves start twitching. Being a mother is a gift - it doesn't require another gift of recognition, does it?

Initially, I had spent time reflecting on my role as a single parent to the children. How much have I succeeded, and how much have I failed? What more can I do and what else can I offer? The children need to be nurtured and be brought up with love and attention. They also deserve to be given opportunities in life: to run freely in the fields and breathe in the fresh air.

Most mothers dream for some royal treatment on Mother's Day - perhaps a day 'off' from the daily chores (cooking, cleaning, minding), or a day's pampering at the local spa. Aaaah... how ideal! However, if one is pragmatic, then she would understand that a mother can never take a vacation away from her roles as a mom and all that will not go unnoticed!

So, this morning I prepared a fancy breakfast decorated with small heart-shape pointers and mugs of steaming hot chocolate with cream for my children. I did a special prayer for my jewels of amanah, and was filled with the feelings of contentment and gratitudes. I am blessed with four children - Alhamdulillah! Even though my plan to spend special time out with them had to be cancelled due to a call for a meeting by other friends, I know they had a great time today.

Allah's Amanah (Part 2)

This morning, just as I had completed my Dhuha prayers (a beautiful prayer I'd like to share with you later), Little D came to lie down on my lap. He had just gotten up (we went to watch Wall-E last night - I had to do something to cheer those rather gloomy-looking kids). I ran my fingers through his hair, and kissed him. He lay there fiddling with the corners of the pillow, while I read the Yaasin.

Upon completing the reading of the Yaasin, Little D hugged me tight. It was a common gesture, so I returned the hug. Then, I saw tears welling in his eyes.

Darling, why are you crying? Why are you sad?

He scrunched his face, a pout formed and tears escaped down his cheeks. He shrugged.

Are you sad, Peanut?

Yes, he squeeked.

Why, darling? Tell me.

More tears poured down. I couldn't help feeling my emotions being tugged and it wasn't long that I too had tears streaming down the cheek.

What's wrong, darling? What's bothering you? What do you want? Do you miss someone? Do you want to go to the toilet? Do you have a tummy ache? Are you hungry? And I listed all the possible things that came to mind. He shook his head to all that I said.

He remained silent.

So, all I could do was to hold him tight, close to my heart. I embraced him in my arms, and we sat there, having a quiet moment together.

Little D's like that - very sensitive and emotional (much more than you-know-who). With him, I too have to be more sensitive and I need to gather all the knowledge I've got from readings and personal tips to just give him that comforting arm.

I still don't know what upset him, or what went in his mind, but I did lift both my hands up and prayed that the Almighty will ease his fears and discomfort, and perhaps some feelings of instability.

*****
As I mentioned earlier about Solat Dhuha, I have a confession that I have only started performing this prayers since some months back. Using the du'a written in one of the books I have, the wordings always touches my soul and like tapwater, tears would flow continuously. It makes me realise how weak I was as a human being. Nothing to beat His greatness.

I can't type the Arabic version of the du'a and can't find it on the net. So, hope this is better than nothing:

ALLAHUMMA INNADH DHUHA-A DHUHA-UKA, WAL BAHAA-A BAHAA-UKA, WAL JAMAALA JAMAALUKA, WAL QUWWATA QUWWATUKA, WAL QUDRATA QUDRATUKA, WAL ISHMATA ISHMATUKA. ALLAHUMA INKAANA RIZQI FIS SAMMA-I FA ANZILHU, WA INKAANA FIL ARDHI FA-AKHRIJHU, WA INKAANA MU’ASARAN FAYASSIRHU, WAINKAANA HARAAMAN FATHAHHIRHU, WA INKAANA BA’IDAN FA QARIBHU, BIHAQQIDUHAA-IKA WA BAHAAIKA, WA JAMAALIKA WA QUWWATIKA WA QUDRATIKA, AATINI MAA ATAITA ‘IBADIKASH SHALIHIN.

The Malay translation would be:

“Wahai Tuhanku, sesungguhnya waktu dhuha adalah waktu dhuha-Mu, keagungan adalah keagunan-Mu, keindahan adalah keindahan-Mu, kekuatan adalah kekuatan-Mu, penjagaan adalah penjagaan-Mu, Wahai Tuhanku, apabila rezekiku berada di atas langit maka turunkanlah, apabila berada di dalam bumi maka keluarkanlah, apabila sukar mudahkanlah, apabila haram sucikanlah, apabila jauh dekatkanlah dengan kebenaran dhuha-Mu, kekuasaan-Mu (Wahai Tuhanku), datangkanlah padaku apa yang Engkau datangkan kepada hamba-hambaMu yang soleh”.

Read it from the heart, and InsyaAllah, you will be able to feel the beauty of the prayers. It's just something I am sharing with the more knowledgeable out there, i.e: you. But indeed, it has the power to give me the peace of mind and soul, lifting any worries concerning financial limitations or concerns, especially in bringing up the four children single-handedly.

Allah's Amanah

Let me first start with a personal note to fellow bloggers who have been leaving comments in my past posts - sorry, I never seem to have the time to respond to them. To those who have ordered books, please email me: p2reflect(at)yahoo(dot)co(dot)uk and leave me your details. InsyaAllah I will post more details next month regarding Sis Zabrina's books as I have agreed to become her UK distributor. To those who have been kind enough to leave me a prayer and good words, jazakallahu khairan kathira.

The topic I find very intriguing now concerns the issue of bringing up children. They are the amanah from Allah - choosing the perfect parents for the right children. By perfect, of course I don't mean absolute perfection. From the very beginning - how the parents are matched and united through matrimony, right down to the delivery and upbringing of the child - He knows best.

The trials of life come in many forms and of course, when bringing up children, many factors are involved. As Muslims, we aim to be good parents who are able to provide our children with the best Islamic education and healthiest Halal food in the best Islamic environment. Well, at least that's my personal aims and intentions.

Being a single parent now, I find the post as sole-director quite taxing. It can be rather stressful for the mind, body and soul. I have, since the beginning, opted to keep life as simple as it can be; i.e: to make life stress-free, or at least to minimise it! Hence, to do this I found myself restriciting ourselves to our homes, minimising any possible stress by taking part in anything 'different'. Surely, there were those challenging moments that shook me and scared me, such as the trip to Dublin and the car accident!

However, a few weeks ago I realised that my self-protection was affecting my children. Because mommy was single-handedly managing things and was too tired or not up to some of the activities they suggested, they couldn't do the things they used to do when daddy was around. What did I do about it then? I stepped out slowly... Though very difficult, I do find it a little refreshing. So, even without daddy to be the manager, mommy has managed to do some of the things the little darlings (and not so little) have requested. Well, of course, the issue of budget is another matter. Still, Alhamdulillah we have managed to pull through.

Alhamdulillah I have been fortunate enough to be given opportunities to meet and share experiences with people from all walks of life. Valuable experiences come from single parents (divorcees and widows), ladies in their second marriages, ladies in polygamy and also ladies who have been tested in many different aspects, including health. At the end of the day, I must somehow say that men and women are totally different creations of the Lord and this involves the complicated womanly emotions - which Allah has bestowed to women. So, in most aspects, only a woman understands another.

By talking to these wonderful women, I have found that I am so human - my horrible emotions is a sign that I am His humble creation. There is only one key to it all and that is to trust Him in everything we do, or in other words, tawakkal.

With reminders and reassurances that everything happens for a reason, I pick up my gears and gather my children together, holding their hands and walk into the future, completely leaving the unknown to Him. I recall an advice given by a kind brother who I met a few weeks after I came home. This is roughly what he said,

"Please look after your children well. They are the amanah from Allah ta'ala. They are now orphans and Allah has promised that whoever looks after orphans will be promised Jannah."

Subhannallah... They are not just my children now(lent to me, of course), but their status have been upgraded to orphans, who offer opportunities for others to get closer to Him.

Although often drowned by feelings of exasperation (those who have children or have seen my children in action will know how active they are!), I remind myself that the only thing that keeps them guided and together is me, with Allah's will. They all require different psychological approaches; the twins as the older ones (always having to share and give in), Princess as the only girl (very tender and emotional, and who no longer has her daddy who dotes on her) and Little D who is the baby of the family (he thinks he can charm everyone with his smile!).

I was never a good parent, and now I am their only parent! May Allah help us all in bringing up our children with greatest fear and faith in Him, InsyaAllah...

(Have been reading and reading on Islamic parenting)

A somewhat different Mother's Day

Okay, okay, I have learnt my lesson. Not only should one avoid the shops during the weekends, but one should especially avoid the shops a day prior to any celebration. Yesterday evening, I went to the shops to get my groceries and found ourselves trapped in a huge crowd. You see, in the UK, Mother's Day is the first Sunday of March, i.e. today!

As we entered the supermarket, the first aisle was strategically filled with Mother's Day knickknacks: the row of cards, chocolates, gifts and flowers. My princess innocently asked me, Mummy, can I buy a Mother's Day's card? Oh dear... What was I supposed to say? No? There's no need to?

So, I gave the children some space by allowing the older ones to linger at that section while I made a dash for the food section (first making sure that they didn't buy anything they couldn't afford; read - nothing outrageously expensive!). I felt a tinge of sadness as I nostalgically remember their late dad teaming up with them when they were working up on a surprise for me(Mother's Day / my birthday). Now, they no longer have their daddy to conspire with and are still under age to go out to get anything on their own. How are they going to manage? Or better still, how am I going to make sure they can still do the things they used to do? Of course I am not concerned with material showers but I understand the children's personal desire to get something for their mum - just like everyone else.

When I got up this morning, I busied myself in the kitchen by baking a cake for the children and preparing breakfast. Once everything was done, with coffee in hand, I stepped into the living room to enjoy my breakfast when, lo and behold, there was a surprise waiting for me!

3 cards (+ 1 Tesco brochure for flower orders on Mother's Day), a box of chocolates, a bead and shell necklace (Twin H told me it took him a week to drill two holes through the shell), and a hanging card were laid out on the table for me. I kissed each child thank you and read the card my Princess chose:

The most thoughtful people

are thought about the most,

and wished the very best

of everything...

always.

This warm and loving message

is especially meant for you

Because it's filled with gratitude

for the thoughtful things you do...

And with it comes a special wish

that Mother's Day will bring

All the joy you so deserve

and the best of everything.

Have a Wonderful Mother's Day

To: Mama

Love from Izz Zh@reef, Ulfah, Dean, Hanees,

White and Grey the hamsters.

Of course, the emotional me could not help being teary. As if that wasn't enough, they instructed me to open up the card - and in it was a picture of their late dad:

Imagine them remembering their late dad on Mother's Day! I now realise that they probably think of their dad as much as I do, even though they don't say it out loud...

(squiggly scribbles - oops...)

I later brought them out for ice-cream (the weather was very promising!!) and some goodies. It was too sunny to stay indoors, but ironically, the great weather only brought back memories of the good days spent out with Mamasarah's family and the late Mr D. Thus, Mother's Day evoked a mixture of feelings that are very precious to me.

To my children I dearly love (a.k.a the Fantastic Four),
Thank you very much for your wonderful gesture and thoughts. What I only ask for on Mother's Day (and every other day) is that I can really be a good mother to you so that you will all grow up into good Muslims blessed by the Almighty.

To all mothers out there,

Happy Mother's Day.

Let me end with an interesting quotation, worth pondering upon:

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before.

The woman existed, but the mother, never.

A mother is something absolutely new."

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh quotes (Indian Spiritual leader, 1931 - 1990)

Hopefully, we can all be excellent mothers (and fathers for the opposite species) to all whom we consider our children.

Mother's Day

In the United Kingdom, yesterday (18th March) was Mother's Day. It's also known as Mothering Sunday. The exact day is actually determined by the forth week after Lent, and three weeks prior to Easter Sunday. However, back in 'ol Malaysia, Mother's Day is celebrated (most commercially) on the second Sunday of May.

Mother's Day is not one to be remembered with cards, flowers, chocolates, cakes and gifts. It's not just about treating your mom to an expensive dinner in a five-star hotel. Indeed, it would be nice to be able to do any of the following as a gesture of appreciation but I have always taken Mother's Day as a day to reflect on how I've turned out. Other than the physical stress a mother has to undertake, a mother often goes through a turmoil of emotional turns. The role demands a lot of patience, sacrifice, selflessness, understanding, care, love, nurture and of course, the believe in Allah the Almighty. Every new year, I renew my resolution to become a better mother because I do not want my children to have bad memories of me. I had my mother for only 4 years and I am quite sure that if she had lived longer, she would be a great role-model.

What a mother should be (by carlisa smith )

A mother is the one who loves you

A mother puts no drug above you

A mother will never make you cry

A mother will never make you want to die

A mother will help you fight your fears

A mother will help you stop your tears

A mother will keep you safe and sound

A mother will never let you down

A mother will daily say I love you

A mother won’t say I hate you

A mother won’t wish you were dead

A mother won’t forget what you said

A mother won’t close the door

A mother won’t let you be poor

Now I ask you, do you have a mother?

Cause’ I don’t, so don’t bother.

To my children, thank you for being wonderful and I hope that I can be something you are proud of.

To all mothers out there, hang on and be the best you can!