Lessons of Life - Part Four: Don't be Sad

The title of this entry is inspired by the book by 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni and also a blog I stumbled on, http://dontbesad.wordpress.com also inspired by the book.

There are moments that I catch myself falling into a pit of sadness - deep and dark. In the pit, I often feel lost and miserable, alone and searching. Whether it is linked to the departure of my late husband, or of other worries, it's not very clear... Perhaps a combination of the two results in something so devastating.

What does sad mean? Words associated with sad are:

bereaved, bitter, blue, cheerless, dejected, depressed, desolate, despairing, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, distressed, doleful, down, forlorn, gloomy, glum, grief-stricken, heartbroken, heavy-hearted, low, lugubrious, melancholy, miserable, morbid, morose, mournful, pensive, pessimistic, regrettable, sombre, sorry, sorrowful, troubled, unhappy, wistful, woebegone.

(most words obtained from: http://www.merriam-webster.com/, http://www.thesaurus.reference.com/)

Then of course there's also SAD, an acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder. It often strikes those living in a country where there are changes in season and typically occurs in winter, whereby the days grow shorter - less light, lower temperature. Affected by this gloominess (especially in the UK), a person attacked with SAD will become depressed, having normally experiencing excessive eating and sleeping resulting the most obvious: weight gain. So, SAD really is synonym to sad. Interesting.

Some people feel sad when they are weighed down by something in the past or present time, while others feel sad when anxious of their future. Regardless of what the source of your sadness may be, the idea is to not let it get to you. Reach out of the pit and do fill the heart with all of the opposite: feeling of gladness (syukr), joy, optimism and carefree. 'Aaidh Abdullah al-Qarni (2003)suggests keeping oneself active doing good deeds because "idleness is destructive". Hence, I'd say get up and indulge in activities such as reading, writing (blogs included!), working, shopping (yes, ladies...), cooking, baking, cleaning, gardening, sewing, playing any form of games (Scrabulous maybe?), drawing, painting, visiting and exercising (most definitely).

Even though I may not have dealt with my own sadness well enough, I am grateful to wonderful friends who kept me sane when I wasn't so. But at the end of the day, everything else depended on your own will to choose the bright or gloomy side. Only faith in the Almighty kept me on and this verse from the Quran (12: 87) exemplifies it best:

"And never give up hope of Allah's Mercy.
Certainly no one despairs of Allah's Mercy, except the people who
disbelieve."

Bobby Mcferrin's song, Don't worry, be Happy, immediately came to mind as I'm writing this. So, I'm putting up the lyrics here so that you can tune in to it. Hopefully, it will put a smile on your face and chase the sadness away. I know it did mine!

Here is a little song I wrote

You might want to sing it note for note

Don't worry be happy

In every life we have some trouble

When you worry you make it double

Don't worry, be happy......

Ain't got no place to lay your head

Somebody came and took your bed

Don't worry, be happy

The land lord say your rent is late

He may have to litigate

Don't worry, be happy

Look at me I am happy

Don't worry, be happy

Here I give you my phone number

When you worry call me I make you happy

Don't worry, be happy

Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style

Ain't got no girl to make you smile

But don't worry be happy

Cause when you worry

Your face will frown

And that will bring everybody down

So don't worry, be happy (now).....

There is this little song I wrote

I hope you learn it note for note

Like good little children

Don't worry, be happy

Listen to what I say

In your life expect some trouble

But when you worry

You make it double

Don't worry, be happy......

Don't worry don't do it, be happy

Put a smile on your face

Don't bring everybody down like this

Don't worry, it will soon past

Whatever it is

Don't worry, be happy

sad stories down memory lane

Every time I hear the word DEATH, a shiver runs down my spine. I have learnt to despise the word since I was small. I know that all living things must meet death, regardless why or when. I know that each being must return to the creator, Allah. Yet, the loss of someone close shatters the soul and breaks the heart. This entry is a thought that I wish to share after reading one of the blog sites I frequent on the same issue.

*****
When I was four, my mother passed away. I was the youngest of four. When she went, I couldn't feel the sadness and effect. I don't even remember crying. Perhaps it is mainly because I have always been a very sensible person, since young. Yet, as time passed, I often felt sorry for myself, feeling that I was missing a precious part of life. My aunt used to ask me whether I remembered my late mom. And I said, I do with the help of pictures. She would then tell me that Allah takes those He loves most. I would be contended with that.


6 years later, my darling old grandfather left us. He was the dad to my late mother. He was the one who showered us with gifts before Eidulfitr, and brought us on holidays to Port Dickson. The incident happened in a rather complicated way. The whole family was away for an umrah trip while grandpa was in the hospital. A few nights earlier, the older ones had a meeting while I wasn't called to be a part of it. My two elder sisters cried their hearts out but I was left in the dark, only thinking of a million bad things that might go wrong. Was it me? Did I do something wrong? And then, after a call home a few days later, everyone was crying. My sister called me and told me that grandpa was gone. I remember nodding. Ten minutes later, I was playing with our hosts (an arab family who had cute little children). My sister came back to me and asked her to sit close to her. She told me again, "Grandpa's dead. Do you understand?". It was then, that it really struck me how bad the news was. With my sisters and brother, I sat in the corner and wept my heart out. By then, we had lost 2 people we truly loved!

At 14, I lost my brother who was 19. He was the only boy in the family - our hero. His death came unexpected as the angel came to take him in his sleep. I can still remember the vivid scene of his last night, and the moment dad discovered his death. We were taken aback. Usually, every morning he would take my dad's car to perform his subh prayers at the mosque. Somehow, he didn't get up that morning. Even I woke up late, with my stepmom knocking on my door. I went down for breakfast after my prayers. Before leaving for office, I heard dad knock on my late brother's door. There wasn't any answer. Dad opened the door, and then I heard him shout. Was dad mad at bro for not getting up? What was wrong? Then, I realised, it wasn't a shout. It was a wail. I ran up, and dad was already crying. There, on the bed, was my only brother, as still as a dead body. And he wasn't breathing. My sister shot from her room, awaken by her doze with her baby. We stood there, touching him in disbelief. The tears began to roll. Dad positioned him accordingly and asked me to make a phone call to a neighbour. He sat by the bed trying to digest the situation.

I was trembling already and I ran to the phone. My sis tagged behind me, and she was asking me questions: "why? how?". Suddenly, I was no longer the 14 year old girl, but a grown up taking control of the situation. I just shook my head. When I told the pakcik that "abang dah meninggal", he kept asking me, "abah ke abang?". I guess it was difficult to accept such breaking news. Dad was 54 then, while my brother was 19. It was perhaps more acceptable if the older went away first. The rest of the day was tiring for me as I was often beckoned by visitors to relate the actual story of how it happened.

As a teenager, I used to ask the question, "Why do the people I love most leave me?" And, upon pondering, I remember what my aunt said: "Allah takes those He loves".

By now, I have lost more people throughout the years. My grandma (my late mom's side) passed away in 2005. Uncles and aunts, cousins and friends. Still, I don't know how I'd cope if the people very close to me left me to meet our creator. Even the thought can make the tears roll, the body tremble and the mind amiss.

Pause to reflect:
Let memories of good moments be kept in the heart, while new steps taken for the future. Although great people bring such enormous impact to your life, the loss is nothing close to losing in a battle. It's a different loss.