Today and yesterday, and tomorrow?

The children have been off from school for a week already and we've had such a great time fooling around with jibberish foolishness - dancing statues, talent shows (we've actually been having this every week for the past 2 months), pictionary, charades and memory games, to name a few! I actually look forward to sessions like this with the little ones as it is the time I release myself from all worries and stress, seriousness and order. That's when I break into endless laughter, just like those days with the KK girls and my beloved. Now, my angels amuse me and Alhamdulillah, I am kept happy.

Some days, we go out for a walk or to visit friends. My children are always full of energy that I'm always prompted to work my mind and organise something physical that does not involve money. The list may not be long but still, never impossible!

Browsing into my past, I'd say that I come from a family who is basically not materialistic. Dad is a very thrifty man who was brought up during the Japanese and British colonisation by a father whom I believe was a strict man too (my grandad was one with many wives). Dad had his equal share of hard and trying times; of dampened dreams, suppressed opportunities and lucid sacrifices.

He thus brought us up with the values he believed were essential in life. One that more people found less appealing nowadays: appreciating the value of money. Even as a child, I saw the twitch of concern in Dad's eyes; bringing up four children as a single parent for two years was no easy task. One by one, my older cousins and aunt were called in to mind us - especially me, who was only in kindergarten. I remember one of my eldest cousins, Abang J, who introduced me to Robert Louise Stevenson when he bought me my first but favourite Book of Verses. I also recall Kak Z, who used to carry me by her side (this big girl of 5) when I wailed in the mornings I found myself too late to say goodbye to Dad before he nipped off to work, and then, too late to be ready for school before the school van came. Of course, there was also Aunt N, my late mom's sister who used to help soothe the itchiness of mosquito bites on my arms and legs by pressing her nails onto them.

I remember growing up being satisfied with all that I had - which wasn't too much, but far from little. Our table wasn't laid with items of luxury but neither was it ever empty, Alhamdulillah. Dad was strict and thrifty; yet I understood his rationale. We were brought up in extreme moderateness and I appreciate that a lot for that has made me the person I am today - definitely not perfect but not too bad.

When I went to secondary school (a fully residential school), I had the opportunity to learn more about the value of money. It was there that I became aware of how others faired, if compared to me. Some were brought up by parents who never hesitated to spend any amount of money on food or items the child wanted, while to some others fastfood like KFC and McDonalds were not only foreign and unaffordable, but they were even oblivious to the temptations to buy food when free food is served in the stinky dining hall.

Every time Dad came to visit me (which was every single week), he reminded me to be careful with my money. However, I found my teenage hormones tingling with excitement whenever I got that red note every week (RM10). I seldom saved much at all. Often, by the end of the week, I'd be left with perhaps less than a ringgit. There was always the temptations of the evening co-op and attacks of after-prep hunger! Or I'd save up for my weekend outing to splurge on whatever nonsense a teenager could possibly splurge on!

Today, my twins cunningly and creatively try to earn some money by selling items which I buy to their younger siblings! It's actually more than hilarious! First, I buy the things from the shops (eg: a packet of microwaveable popcorn at 63p per pack). Then, somehow, Abang Z puts it in the oven, and then when it's ready, puts them in plastic cups - voila: they're on sale at 5p per cup and he pockets the money! Here's what makes it more outrageous: the little ones come and ask me for some money to buy the popcorn I had already bought earlier. Ridiculous, I say! But then again, since they don't really get any pocket money from me other than the occasional tips, I let them get away with it.

Not very long ago, the way I perceived life in general was somehow altered when I shared my life with another man. Love made room for concessions and compromises, as well as the belief that as long as we had each other our journey would be bearable, God permitting.

Today, I take my past experiences to again adjust the way I'd be maneuvering the journey my children and I will be taking. I will use all the training the two most wonderful men in my life have given me. What's in it for us tomorrow, I sure have no idea. I am only living one day at a time, trusting in Him because I can trust no one, and I don't have any one to turn to. All I know is that I'm going to work hard and pray hard, InsyaAllah... This will be my Hijrah, my journey into the unknown (definitely not as significant as Rasulullah's).

So, here's wishing all of you a promising and fruitful year ahead: 1430H and 2009!