Let me first start with a personal note to fellow bloggers who have been leaving comments in my past posts - sorry, I never seem to have the time to respond to them. To those who have ordered books, please email me: p2reflect(at)yahoo(dot)co(dot)uk and leave me your details. InsyaAllah I will post more details next month regarding Sis Zabrina's books as I have agreed to become her UK distributor. To those who have been kind enough to leave me a prayer and good words, jazakallahu khairan kathira.
The topic I find very intriguing now concerns the issue of bringing up children. They are the amanah from Allah - choosing the perfect parents for the right children. By perfect, of course I don't mean absolute perfection. From the very beginning - how the parents are matched and united through matrimony, right down to the delivery and upbringing of the child - He knows best.
The trials of life come in many forms and of course, when bringing up children, many factors are involved. As Muslims, we aim to be good parents who are able to provide our children with the best Islamic education and healthiest Halal food in the best Islamic environment. Well, at least that's my personal aims and intentions.
Being a single parent now, I find the post as sole-director quite taxing. It can be rather stressful for the mind, body and soul. I have, since the beginning, opted to keep life as simple as it can be; i.e: to make life stress-free, or at least to minimise it! Hence, to do this I found myself restriciting ourselves to our homes, minimising any possible stress by taking part in anything 'different'. Surely, there were those challenging moments that shook me and scared me, such as the trip to Dublin and the car accident!
However, a few weeks ago I realised that my self-protection was affecting my children. Because mommy was single-handedly managing things and was too tired or not up to some of the activities they suggested, they couldn't do the things they used to do when daddy was around. What did I do about it then? I stepped out slowly... Though very difficult, I do find it a little refreshing. So, even without daddy to be the manager, mommy has managed to do some of the things the little darlings (and not so little) have requested. Well, of course, the issue of budget is another matter. Still, Alhamdulillah we have managed to pull through.
Alhamdulillah I have been fortunate enough to be given opportunities to meet and share experiences with people from all walks of life. Valuable experiences come from single parents (divorcees and widows), ladies in their second marriages, ladies in polygamy and also ladies who have been tested in many different aspects, including health. At the end of the day, I must somehow say that men and women are totally different creations of the Lord and this involves the complicated womanly emotions - which Allah has bestowed to women. So, in most aspects, only a woman understands another.
By talking to these wonderful women, I have found that I am so human - my horrible emotions is a sign that I am His humble creation. There is only one key to it all and that is to trust Him in everything we do, or in other words, tawakkal.
With reminders and reassurances that everything happens for a reason, I pick up my gears and gather my children together, holding their hands and walk into the future, completely leaving the unknown to Him. I recall an advice given by a kind brother who I met a few weeks after I came home. This is roughly what he said,
"Please look after your children well. They are the amanah from Allah ta'ala. They are now orphans and Allah has promised that whoever looks after orphans will be promised Jannah."
Subhannallah... They are not just my children now(lent to me, of course), but their status have been upgraded to orphans, who offer opportunities for others to get closer to Him.
Although often drowned by feelings of exasperation (those who have children or have seen my children in action will know how active they are!), I remind myself that the only thing that keeps them guided and together is me, with Allah's will. They all require different psychological approaches; the twins as the older ones (always having to share and give in), Princess as the only girl (very tender and emotional, and who no longer has her daddy who dotes on her) and Little D who is the baby of the family (he thinks he can charm everyone with his smile!).
I was never a good parent, and now I am their only parent! May Allah help us all in bringing up our children with greatest fear and faith in Him, InsyaAllah...
(Have been reading and reading on Islamic parenting)