Monday, May 12, 2008

The results are out...

The special someone I wrote about some time ago, has been diagnosed with cancer: lymphoma of the eye. I am devastated. Suddenly, I am going through what I similarly went through approximately seven months ago - of keeping strong while everything felt like crumbling. Tears have been streaming down the cheeks for unexplained reasons, and beyond control. For this, I'm labelled too emotional?

Hence, I try putting myself in her shoes and wonder what it is like, contemplating the days ahead and the fact that death may perhaps be closer than we thought (I know that there are many cancer survivors out there, but surely one can never avoid thinking that cancer is such a big and scary thing...)



The first I'd think about is how painful it would be. The journey with a terminal disease.


The second I'd think about is how death would feel like; when the Angels come, and when life is choked out of me. The experience in the life in-between, awaiting for the day of judgement - when all will be called to rise from the graves. And of course, then the whole procession leading to the final judgement: right or left; heaven or hell? Have I done enough?


The third would be the concern of my children's well-being, although I know that they will always be under Allah's protection. Have I equipped them enough to go on independently?


*****


I may be morbid, I may sound fatalistic and pessimistic. However, I am just thinking of how I'd take it if I were her. I have not lost hope and I have not lost faith. Our days are filled with tests after tests, all His way of checking on the levels of Imaan we have. How would you take such a news if you were given one? Frankly, I think that we do not know our strength until the time comes.



Sis, you are in my prayers every day and every night. The greatest quality in you is that you always put others first - without fail. I know that you are among the blessed. In Allah we trust, and in Him we surrender... You will fight this and you will make it, InsyaAllah.

9 comments:

ADIEJIN said...

prayers fir ur special someone D. But you also must keep calm and composed ok. the kids need you. be safe.

Kak Teh said...

thoughts and prayers for your friend. Take care.

bluewonder said...

insyallah will make a special prayer for her in Mecca soon. Hang in there.

simah said...

our prayers r for ur friend...

Raden Galoh said...

Darling sister...

No, you are not being pessimistic...you being realistic I would say, because it is incident like this that becomes our reality check that we have and must think about death NOT in the sense that we WANT death (we know we can't avoid it when it comes) but to consider the preparations for us the lived ones (our children esp)and our bekalan and readiness to face death when it happens.

I still think like what you noted. And when the news once broke, the glimpse of people usung my jenazah flashed in...

I pray that Allah eases your special sister and I nak aminkan juga your du'a to her. Amin Ya Robbal'alamin...

My salam to her and you be strong for her okay?

*hugs*

Dentist said...

ehmm..we should be strong in any situation. I have the same experience too!. My father passed away due to CA of lung.... my mom alone strive very hard to take care 4 of us... alhamdulllah with the doa n trust to our Creator...she managed to do every single task!....

A.Z. Haida said...

kak D

my prayers for you and your 'special someone'

*hugs*

Nadia said...

kak D,

no, not morbid. I think of it too...if you know the insides of my mind, you might think I'm morbid :P

but ...may allah purify her of her sins and may she come clean on the Day of Judgment inshaallah. Ameen.

If we think about it, we would want to be struck with tests ovr and over again so we too could come clean on the Day of Judgment, and what I think about the most is that punishment in the grave.i shudder when I think of it...thinking of it that way, I'd rather receive the cleansing on earth and rest peacefully in the qabr. All alone, in the dark, and being punished...May allah protect us from the punishment of the grave. reminds of the dua after tashahud before salam:

O Allaah, I take refuge in You from the punishment of the grave, from the torment of the Fire, from the trials and tribulations of life and death and from the evil affliction of the Al-Maseeh Ad-Dajjaal.’

http://www.makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=24

hizwani said...

Assalamu'alaikum Kak D,

Apologies first of all if my entry may seem a bit insensitive - that is never my intention.

I can see how (though I may not fully understand it... and hopefully never having too) such news would invoke such sadness and despair.

Nevertheless... I believe you to be right in having hope for 2 reasons...
-the first, (do forgive my ignorance sbb don't really know the full story... nevertheless...)being that lymphoma is quite a potentially curable disease. Not sure what you meant by eye... but usually it's the eyelid area in which case, sometimes radiotherapy would suffice. Sometimes, a biologic agent (like Rituximab) which are not even considered chemotherapy might work well. and then there's the potentially curative chemotherapy.

-but secondly and most importantly, like you said... faith... believe that when Allah intends something, He says 'be, and so it is'

And I could also see how many would consider you as being strong... though you might think that you are merely surviving..... and that you're probably thinking that you may have to survive another tragedy. But I do believe that you are strong.... 'Allah does not place a burden greater than it can bear'....

Many of us haven't faced such hardship.... and though i would never wish it on myself or even my enemies, maybe it's something we have yet to be strong enough to endure. And in my weaknesses and inadequacies, my prayers are with you and those closest to you.
wallahu'alam,