It's not as easy as it sounds. I promised myself never to fall into the pit. But since after my 'Iddah, this is the second time I've been in this darkness.
Perhaps it's the weather. Or maybe it's that certain something that's been lingering and pounding in my head? Or maybe it's just the hormones? Better still, it's perhaps because I feel sooooo lonely? I personally think it's because of tomorrow. (Watch this space for development!)
Of late, I've been spending some time reading translations of the Quran and some religious books and websites (I've also been listening to Kaer's "Biarkanku pergi" and watching the tribute to him on YouTube). The issue most appealing in my readings is death; the importance of always keeping death in the mind, and just being physically close to whatever that reminds you of it,is ibadah itself. It may sound morbid and pathetic, but this is so that we remember life is temporary, hence we should work hard in our ibadah to ensure that we'd be prepared for it. I know I should be moving on to greener pastures, and move on with only good and positive memories of the late Mr D. However, it's the good memories I miss that's been pulling me down.
I can close my eyes and picture him laughing in front of the telly, watching American Idol (I have only seen bits of two episodes of American Idol this season..). Or, I can close my eyes and see him staring at me with a smile on his face. Everything is still very clearly sketched in my mind.
I am not drowning in sorrow (okay, maybe I am a little), but I'm just saying that I miss him. I used to have my best friend with me when I was feeling low. But this time, the schedule's tight and there are deadlines to meet. So, without my best friend, I sob my eyes out (in phases since this morning) remembering the man I shared so many years and things together with. Have no fear, Allah is always here!!