i am only me

No superstar, no superwoman, no diva, no award-winner. I am only me, as Allah has presented: full of flaws and mishaps. Thank you all for the kind and encouraging words of condolences and prayers. Again, I bid forgiveness for not being able to reply text messages, emails and blog comments. Sometimes, words just fail me... What I seek from all now is just a little bit of understanding and space because my heart often misses a beat when questioned, "So, D, what's your plan now?" Some try to tackle it as cautiously as possible by adding, "I know it is still too early to ask but..." I beg for a little bit more time from all caring and concerned friends and relatives, for I am now in bereavement and confinement. I am in 'Iddah (العدة; period of waiting) for four months and ten days. This will entail that: I cannot marry another. I cannot leave the house to pursue unimportant matters, including social visits. Work, bank, doctor's/hospital, school, shops (ONLY for the essentials), for instance, would be categorised as important. I can only accept male visitors in the house while my muhrim is around (my in-laws are leaving this Wednesday, 7th Nov, while my dad will probably be leaving at the end of the month). I cannot go back home (Malaysia) during this confinement period [based on a hadith relating that a woman be restricted to the house she normally lived with the late husband]. I cannot don any attractive clothing or apply make-up as to avoid fitnah (Al-Ehdad). A very simple explanation behind all this is to ascertain the father to any possible child conceived. Besides this, it also creates a balance between mourning for the death of a husband and also protecting oneself against censure. Please understand my situation and condition. Ask me not about what my future is. For now, only Allah knows what is best for me and I need some time to sort things out. Spare me with praises and good words, for I am no different from any of you. I believe that when the time comes, and we are tested, then everyone will gain the strength from the Almighty.