Saturday, September 29, 2007

It's bad but please don't cry...

The walk along the quiet corridor towards the Faith Centre at the hospital seemed endless. I was heading towards the Muslim prayer room to perform my Zohr prayers. It was almost like I was in Twilight Zone; very surreal.

I had bid Mr D goodbye, and gave him the most cheery smile I could muster. So, as I stepped away from the ward, all the emotions I had bottled up splashed out without any warning.

The surgeon and oncologist (cancer specialist) are away for a course. They can only come and discuss with us on Monday and Tuesday respectively. Not long after I reached Mr D's bedside earlier yesterday, our dear Dr S came. She drew the curtains and started to explain Mr D's condition to us. She probably sensed our anxiety and decided that it was time for her to end the suspense we were in.

At that moment, I pitied S. She is young, extremely nice, soft spoken and very warm. I have known S since she was a small and chubby little girl. Her parents used to come over the house and bring her along with her older brother. Both of them were cute and cuddly and we'd all be fighting over who gets to carry them and push them on the swing. But that was many years ago. Approximately 10 years ago, I coached S and her cousin with their English (though I don't know why top students like them needed the coaching anyway!!). So, bottom line is, we have developed quite a relationship that when dealing with Mr D's case, all her professionalism is thrown down the drain - her eyes would well up and her voice would be shaky.

Anyway, here's what S told us. Currently, Mr D's situation is quite bad and this was evident through the CT scan. He's got stomach cancer, and it has spread out, moving up the oesophagus. The liver is unaffected but it has spread to the back: striking the spine. The situation is rather complex because it involves the stomach. To conduct surgery might pose problems, hence the next best thing would be chemotherapy. Even radiotherapy may not be carried out as it has spread out to other areas.

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On a different note, I am surrounded by great and wonderful people. My in-laws will hopefully arrive next week. My two sisters back home have been calling me more than once a day, asking me of developments and giving me words of comfort. I've only managed to speak to my dad earlier tonight as he is now performing his umrah in the Holy land. I've also received tens of phone texts, especially from friends back home. Thank you all!! My dear friend, Bluewonder, has also rung me up to give support. She told me she couldn't sleep the night before, thinking about us. Even my buddy WKB, who's in northern England, and who keeps telling me to be strong, spends her time crying over our predicament. Fellow Malaysians in the neighbourhood have been giving me hugs and plates of food. Fellow bloggers have been dropping kind words while some have even written entries about my situation. Suddenly, I also have new blog friends who are sympathetic enough to make themselves visible, while offering good words of advice.

I must say that I am very touched with all your kind gestures but at the same time, I feel a little bit guilty for making all of you worry so much about us. Please don't cry and don't lose sleep. How can I be strong if my friends aren't strong? Isn't this all just a test? Doesn't He love us so much that He wants to see how we hold up to trials of life?

I am aware of all this and I am going to do my best to go through everything positively.

My appreciation goes out to all of you... Jazakallah.

7 comments:

bimmer553 said...

salam pengenalan. i'm very touched and saddened by the turn of the events. my only advise, ..please be strong. though the long term prognosis is not that excellent, there's still hope. the good thing is the ca has not spread to the liver. (any spread to the lung ?). partial gastrectomy and aesophago-gastro anoastomosis is a good option. the lesion in the spine can be taken care of by radiotherapy.

~ iNa ~ said...

Kak D
I am really sad & there's nothing I can say but be strong. I know it's easier said than done. I will always pray for ur family. Insyallah everthing will be ok. Amin.

Rd said...

D,

I offer you my prayers and sympathy..

I am saddened and out of words..just hope things will eventually get better.

Hugs for you!

NJ said...

Dear D,

It's been a while since I visited your blog, and this news about Mr D really surprised and saddened me. I, along with all other blogger frens, are with you and the whole D family on this.

My prayer is for you and Mr D to survive this test from Him. Insyaallah, things will be ok.

Be strong, dear D!

Kak Elle said...

d I agree with bimmer553 our only hope now it won't spread further esp the vital organs.

Its not easy for me either tears just roll down my cheeks reading this.

My doa's and prayers remain as before and for you dearest d no words can describe how tough you are to face this alone till your in laws and sister arrives.

my hugs for you from across the ocean.

helena said...

as a person who were used to be in and out of hospital caring for the person I love, I can understand how u feel.

Stay strong D, I did visit several times before but hadnt had the time to leave a comment. Never thought that D's condition would be like this.

D, Stay strong, stay possitive. I really feel for you.

take care dear.

D said...

bimmer553,
thank you for your suggestion. I'll keep it in mind and voice it when I meet the experts next week.

ina,
all your du'as are much appreciated... we haven't had time to chat, eh? I too was surprised to discover you're "-ina-"

rd,
thank you. don't sympathise, just emphathise...

nj,
as one fellow blogger said, cookies get harder by the day. Redha & tawakkal... that's what I'm doing. thanks.

kak elle,
*hugging back*. Remember what I said, please don't cry... Thanks a million.

helena,
I never lose hope in the Almighty. thank you.