No news

They say no news means good news. Let's just pray that's the case here.

Like the animals who hibernate during winter, this blog will probably do the same.

Just in case I hibernate too long, here's wishing friends (my best friends included - you know who you are!), relatives and acquaintances who are performing their Hajj this year a great and successful pilgrimage. May the journey be the beginning of a better tomorrow, and the return be a fresh start altogether.

Tarawih tales

Solat tarawih is synonymous to the month of Ramadhan and as a child, I used to get confused pronouncing the word right - was it tawarikh (meaning sejarah or history) or tarawih (pronounced terawih). I also had a terrible time distinguishing between asrama (residential school) and asmara (romance)! Imagine me telling my friends, Kakak kita pergi sekolah asmara! (My sister goes to romance school) LOL!

Well, back to the point of solat tarawih, Abah always made it a point that my siblings and I joined them for prayers at the nearby surau, which has now been upgraded and converted into a mosque. My step-sister and I, in particular, obeyed with mixed feelings. It was no joke performing 23 rakaats (including witr), especially when you don't get a spot near the walls where there were fans rotating. Before the prayers had ended, our clothes would be wet with perspiration that at the end of every salam, we'd be flipping and flapping our telekungs like a chicken trying to fly.

Nonetheless, despite the unbearable heat, it was undoubtedly an exciting practice. I loved the salawat we chanted after each salam, and it was a bonus when my favourite Imam, Ustaz Nik, led the prayers. Furthermore, there was the morey that came after - a spread of delightful delicacy that became a motivation to stay on till the very end! It was also a splendid time to say hello to fellow school-mates or catch a glimpse of other friends in the neighbourhood. The boys are often a little lucky as they would stay on for a round of fireworks!

Today, I lead the solat tarawih with my children and teach them the salawat we often do at home (mosques here don't do them). I know that soon, when they reach puberty, I will no longer be able to lead the prayers with all my children. However, as a woman there will be days that I have to step away from certain duties. Thus, I have asked my older boys to take turns in leading the tarawih prayers in my place, and I must say that they have indeed made me proud. So, I try to reward them by offering a simple morey afterwards; consisting of ice-creams, Milo with whipped cream and left-over kuihs.

Don't you just love Ramadhan?

His first full day!

Always mistaken for someone younger than his actual age, my not-so-little D made us all proud by making the full 16 hours ++ of his first fast.

Little D will be 7 this November but he is small in size and is very manja. To his annoyance, some think he's only four - of which I remind him that he's got to act his age!

Today is only the second day of Ramadhan but I am happy so far. We sit down to read the Quran together (tadarus), and I tell them tales associated with Ramadhan. It helps that it is still the school holidays now, for we have time to spend time together doing the most important things in our lives.

During the first sahoor, Little D asked, "Mommy, when are we going to meet Abah in heaven?"

The question made me gulp and I'm certain my heart stopped beating for a second.

"Well, dear... we will InsyaAllah meet each other eventually in heaven - as long as you keep praying and following Allah's orders."

The arrival of Ramadhan already brought me memories of the pain and sufferings that he had gone through two years ago - how he fought and braved himself to fast for the first couple of days. I do not want to be emotional but remembering such suffering and the fragility of life does bring me closer to the Creator.

How fast time flies... NOT!

It's not so easy fasting when you're on daylight saving time (DST). This is the convention of advancing clocks so that you have longer afternoon daylight and less morning daylight. For instance, now we'd be breaking our fasts around 7.42pm but by the end of the month, it will be an hour earlier (plus the fact that our days are getting shorter as winter is approaching, so minus about 30 minutes to that).

Fasting in a foreign land is different. The fasting ambience is not really there as people around you eat and stuff their faces just like any other day. For children, school activities remain the same, although of course, you could always request for some leniency. As a matter of fact, the school my children attend made a note to parents stating that we are encouraged to "allow children to eat breakfast and lunch and drink water freely on the days they attend school and observe their fast at weekends, if they wish to do so. We know how a good diet and drinking plenty of water is to enabling our brains to function at their best."

So, what do you think? What's the right age to start fasting? Are we putting our children's brains at risk?

My children know the reasons Muslims have to fast. It is good for both the physical and mental. The month of Ramadhan is a holy month - so special to Muslims as Allah is extremely generous to us this month. Hopefully, what we practice in this holy month will continue in the months to come.

Nonetheless, they ask, Mommy, is it okay if children don't fast?

Hence, I try to explain to them by comparing fasting to the other important ibadah: praying (solah). Didn't the prophet say that we have to teach our children to pray at a young age, 7? And that we should cane them if they don't by the age of 10? (3 years of training) Yes, it may seem harsh but we get the message - training at a young age is essential for good upbringing.

And that's what I tell my children. It may not be totally wrong for you to not pray or fast, because you are still a child. But to pray and fast correctly is a skill and it requires time and practice. Oh, come on - how many of us adults really perform our solah perfectly every single time, whilst understanding every single word or ayat, and being 100% khusyu'?

So, my Little D has not fasted a full day yet. The longest is up to 3pm on our first day of Ramadhan in Malaysia. On some days, he gets up with us for Sahoor and brings his lunch to school. That's okay for a 5 1/2 year old boy to me.

Princess (8), on the other hand, is trying to get a full month. Well, minus the day we were travelling of course. Last year, she didn't fast on days she had PE or on days she wasn't really up to it. I somehow have a soft spot for that little girl of mine. But this year, we're trying to go all out. InsyaAllah.

My twins, who just turned 11 last Saturday, will have to accept the fact that they can't have any excuses. Chuckle. Not really. They have missed one day (musafir) and will probably miss another 5 days next week! Their teachers have offered them to go on a residential trip free of charge. Since the boys are so keen to go and have actually been begging me since last April (I think), I thought I'd finally give in. This is probably an opportunity that they ought not miss. They'd be involved in activities like canoeing, climbing and abseiling, orienteering and walking. These were the activities I enjoyed whilst a student in Edinburgh. Surely, they will enjoy it as much I did. I told them they need not fast then (who'd prepare sahoor, wake them up, etc) but must observe their prayers religiously. Do you think they'll be able to?

We try our best to make Ramadhan a special month in our own special ways. We perform our prayers and tarawih together, and read the Quran as often as we can together too. I tell them stories of the prophets and the companions as role models to us. I try to vary our meals by serving different items for iftar (breaking fast) and sahoor. My children are not big eaters and are not really rice eaters either. Hence, it's either noodles, spaghetti, rice porridge, murtabak, bread or the likes when we don't have rice for one of the other meals. Having fruits and a dessert is also a must for them - though how much can you eat when the eyes are already drooping (8pm here is 3am in Malaysia!).

It's the 9th of Ramadhan today and so far, all seems okay - Alhamdulillah. I am, for the first time after 10 months, feeling confident of myself. Confident that Allah HAS given me the strength and the means to be in control of my life, with His will. This is the blessings of Ramadhan. Last year, by this time, I was rushing between work, hospital and home. Last year's Ramadhan was different in it's own way. This year, it will be different too - we will grab this opportunity to be at our best together. Always together and closer to Him, InsyaAllah...

Another episode

Kak Long has been in the hospital since Tuesday the 8^th, and today she started her first cycle of chemotherapy. She’s lucky that four of her nine children are already in college or university. They are the ones who have been ferrying her and the other members of the family to the hospital and staying to accompany their mom, Alhamdulillah… This whole experience with my sister and her ailment is evoking a lot of memories: rushing to and fro the hospital, checking on the kids, preparing meals on the run, and all the procedures in the hospital… Things are different, yet so familiar. Even the walk down the long empty corridor of twilight zone towards the specialist centre is so eerily similar.

Kak Long is scared, but very strong. When I spoke to the doctor today, she said the prognosis wasn't too good. We pray the best for her, for we do not know what lies ahead and what is even good for us.

Back at her home, her loyal maid of more than 10 years, Suyati, is often very sentimental, with tears welling in her eyes whenever she is reminded of Kak Long’s condition. I have spoken to her, telling her to be strong, for the children and also for Kak Long’s sake. Putting a brave front is very important because once one person breaks down, then it’s contagious. I myself have many a times blinked my tears away and sucked in all the emotions, whenever I have to talk to people about my own loss or with Kak Long herself.

Kak Long's younger children seem to be rather oblivious of the actual condition their mom is in. Three days ago, her No. 8 was nagging her mom to attend her sports event at school on Sunday. So, I told Y that her mom wouldn’t be well and asked her whether her Mak Su (ie: me) can go instead. Sheepishly, she nodded. I told her I’d be clad in bright red attire myself (as she belongs to the Red house) and cheer her name on top of my lungs – if she wouldn’t mind. However, she said her brother belongs to the Yellow house, so it wouldn’t be fair if I wore red. After a moment of thought, I told her I’d then wear red but bring a big yellow flag to cheer for Little Im when it was his turn. And the kids did not bother their mum anymore… I had managed to steer their attention away, and it was enough to excite them that their aunt and four cousins will be there on their sports’ day to give them support.

Time to run... Please pray the best for my sis, and for me too.

A prayer for someone special

A tumor has been found in someone very special to me. The position is rather awkward - around the area of the eye. A lump was found underneath the right eyebrow. Looking up for as much information as possible about the topic brings me a sense of deja vu. I shuddered when I heard the news two days ago, and it still gives me the shivers! Praise the Almighty for we are tested throughout our journey to the hereafter...

An operation is due very soon, and numerous tests are rapidly scheduled and undergone. We're praying that the results will show that it is a benign tumor. Regardless what, Allah knows best and I pray for the physical and mental strength in this wonderful person from afar...