A possible come back?

I was tagged on Facebook yesterday (24th April 2015).  So someone has started a challenge for all bloggers to reactivate and kick-start the old hobby. Yes, to blog or not to blog? (As a fellow blogger's website goes, or went).  Below is the post I was referring to.  Kak Teh is the one creating a ripple effect to fellow bloggers who have mostly converted into Facebook fans: lazily opting to type in single lines or paragraphs to update their activities. For some, this may be hourly (or more frequent, of course!) while others, perhaps daily or occasionally.

Clearly, Facebook has been more convenient and personal.  However, I have developed a sort of love-hate relationship with Facebook in which I despise the cheap publicity but love the 'sharing' concept.  Oh well!

I have always loved writing. Through it, I get to express my feelings, thoughts and doubts.  It often gives me a sense of direction.  Only very recently, I attempted to write regular notes on my FB and I find that I'm still struggling to discipline myself to write regular posts.

Upon reflection, the blogging experience has Alhamdulillah, opened so many doors of friendship for me.  

*********************

I wrote the above on the 25th of April.  I scheduled the post to be published at midnight of the 6th of May. Patiently, I have been waiting.  

Now, at the eve of the 6th of May, I can't help reminiscing blogging days of yesteryear. Perhaps it was easier when one was in a foreign land and blogging became a way of connecting with the world (and gaining sanity).  Obviously, it was a different kind of social media more popular than Twitter, Facebook or IG today.  

Some ridiculed bloggers for the cheap diary/journal-writing format; enlisting the challenges of bringing up children or sharing recipes that work.  More interestingly, the more heated ones are those creating controversy: too intimate or too politically inclined.  In my humble opinion, the writer (blogger) has all the right to write about anything under the sun.  As readers, however, it is up to one whether to frequent the blog and whether to agree or disagree with the writer.  

I, for one, prefer more general reads and of course, writers (who do it for a living) like Kak Teh's Choc-a-bloc, Kata Kama and Write Lah were among the ones mostly frequented.  Of course, when I google for recipes, then I'd probably land on Dari Dapur Maklang or Kitchen Tales, among others.  My Monologues and Petite n Powerful were written by women who have lost their husbands, just like me (singular, not plural).  What will remain etched in me are blogs written by strong-willed cancer fighters who have ceased; the late Raden Galoh, R2D2, Mas Afzal and Ruby Ahmad. If you want to read entertaining and witty pieces, then you HAVE to go to Serenity Now.  Oh, there were definitely many more meaningful blogs but this mammoth of a woman cannot list them all down. Sorry.

I realize that most of the blogs listed on my blogroll are no longer active.  I probably have to do some spring cleaning and tidying up here, and put up new curtains(links).  Will do some serious blog-hopping in the evening, when bloggers worldwide are awake!

To all bloggers, welcome back!

G for

good
great
goo
glum
gist
gigantic
game
give
glance
gossip
grateful
giddy
glimpse
gene
glorious
guts
gorgeous
guillotine
gelatine
guy
glove
gloat
gun
gap
gleam

Goodbye!

I'm finally doing what I've been contemplating to do for so long.  And I'm doing it today - exactly three years on the Gregorian calendar.  He would have been 41 today.  Writing this blog for the past four years has been an experience I am so grateful for.  I have learnt so much about life through the blog, albeit it only being a virtual element.  This blog has evolved from a simple reflective blog to a more philosophical one which has apparently been inspiring to some, so I've been told.  Strange how my initial attempts to write as a personal reflection has aspired others more than it has to me!

The number of people I've made friends with is uncountable and priceless.  It is strange how technology has drawn humans closer to the extent that even though most have not met in person, they each know so much about the others' life and personality.  I am grateful to have known people from all walks of life, from the rich to the poor, to the quiet and timid to the famous and popular.  I will surely not forget all my dear friends, including those who have returned to our Creator.

If my reflections are worth the pause, then let us hope it will help us wade through our journey tomorrow.

If what I write are merely rantings of a damsel in distress, then let me be forgiven for the unsettling laments of the restless soul.


PTR now bids adieu to acquaintances and friends.  She can still be contacted via the facebook account: Pause To Reflect.  She will continue writing and blogging where nobody knows her name.  Well, until someone nonchalantly reveals it, that is!   

Farewell, dear friend...

Her writings were poignant and witty. She's charming and courteous, elegant and respectful. Most of all, she's colourful.

It saddens me to learn about the passing of dear Ruby Ahmad, an extremely devoted and active old girl from TKC.

If anyone needs a boost in life, then Ruby Ahmad was the person to meet. She's very positive and vibrant, and very very warm.

I will miss the kind advice she never failed to offer and the nonsensical yet uplifting updates we exchanged with one another.

Apparently, she was admitted into Gleneagles Medical Centre for some coughing and passed away there. The story behind it goes that she actually had breast cancer and kept it unknown to the outside world.

Innalillahi wainna ilaihi rojiun....

I miss you already, Ruby!

Alfatihah...

Sunshine

Days are getting longer and brighter but it is still cold as ever, with temperatures during the night plunging to sub-zero.

It has been a week since the move and we're still settling down. Might post pictures here or might just do it on facebook. We'll see.

If you are reading this, then I'd appreciate your help!

My friend, Adam, is running his PhD research on consumer perception of blogs, a very interesting topic altogether. You don't have to be a blogger (i.e. own a blog) to complete the online survey. As long as you are reading THIS entry, then you're qualified - wow, congratulations! Silent bloggers are most welcome too as responses are deemed confidential (I won't have a single clue!).

Please click here to answer the survey which will only take approximately 15 minutes to complete. Adam has a few prizes offered:

• An opportunity to suggest a donation of £100 to a charity of your choice or take the cash prize for yourself,


• A go at being one of the ten lucky respondents who will get Amazon vouchers worth £10 each.

However, one of the main reasons I support his work is because it makes a 50p donation to Cancer Research UK for each completed survey - yay! The winner will be announced on his blog http://www.adamok.net/ later in the year or perhaps early next year (depending on how fast he reaches his target of 400 respondents). If you provide your email address, the notification of your win will be sent straight into your mailbox.

Adam of http://www.adamok.net/ and http://ok-lah.blogspot.com/ has offered some incentives to me for the affiliate, and I have thus decided that any monetary gains obtained from this survey will go to the children (that's double incentive for you guys - donating to orphans!).

I therefore thank you all in advance for your cooperation.

Huh? Blog?

Variety in life is what makes it most exciting and enticing. The same is reflected in my sidebar where updates of other bloggers' entries flash on my page. In the past 48 hours, I have shed tears, smiled from ear to ear and gasped reading some of the entries. Some are written by individuals who have now earned a place in my heart that I include them in my prayers every time I lift up my hands. Some still remain quite anonymous yet I feel as if I've known them for many years.

While one blog shares news of a new life, another seeks prayers for a suffering one. Doesn't He always work in wonders? There are the talented few who can put together poignant entries so thought-provoking that we always return for more.

Hence, I am not bothered by my friend's accusation (surely, she wasn't referring to me) which was a pathetic generalisation that those who blog, facebook, twitter, etc. are arrogant anti-socialites. In my opinion, her hypothesis lacked logical justification that I merely laughed aloud when I heard it.

Blogging is not the pulse of my life yet from it I gain a little from experiences of others. For me, blogging is often a form of therapy - expressing myself by putting words and thoughts together. It is not all entirely true neither are they all fictional. I write and publish whatever I want to, occasionally being a tad conscious of who might be reading this mumbo-jumbo (yes, Ms B, thus we resort to writing analogies...).

Of late, I no longer have so much time to linger in the blogosphere. At times I hop without leaving a print. Normally, I check my favourites once I get the newsflash on my page. For those who have never blogged, give it a shot - though please don't abandon it like two of my friends who employ the concept hangat-hangat tahi ayam. For those who insist they are not good with words and are happy being silent readers, keep on reading. After all, reading is a worthy act, isn't it? ;)

Wherefore art thou, food bloggie??

Many many entries ago, I mentioned that I so want to publish a food blog. The blog actually exists as I have created it for probably two years now but have never updated or have the guts to publish it. You see, I'm quite a perfectionist. To me, once you've set your mind to start off something, then you've got to do it properly and full-heartedly. Hence, the blog remains unpublished.

The main reason for this is because I want the recipes I put up there to be illustrated with quality photos of the food prepared. My camera at the moment, a 2003 model of Sony Cybershot DSC-P10 with 5.0 Mega pixels will not do the job. In actual fact, it won't even snap good photos of our daily activities. Ergo, I'd have to get my dream camera, a DSLR that would look like any of these:

And that will probably have to be in the next lifetime! Well, in actual fact, I've sort of planned it in my head to get one for the twins (a second hand would probably not be too impossible) to work on as their hobby (as Mommy has too many things to do than to add another hobby on the list!).

For that reason also, I don't feel it's right to put up recipes here and mess everything up. I know, I'm such a crazy woman with a complicated way of thinking. :) But don't give up hope... it'll probably be a reality one day. One fine day.

I'm two!

Of late, I've been very sluggish at blogging. Various factors can be deemed responsible with the main two being: time constraint and lack of inspiration. Well, you can't blame it when one buries herself in academia and thinks, writes and dreams of aetiologies and epistemologies. I never imagined that splashing words in a less restricting place (ie: this blog) could possibly be not so appealing and therapeutical.

Anyway, today is http://pausetoreflect.blogspot.com/ 's second birthday (and my dear friend myheartbleeds' 3xth birthday). After two years of pausing and reflecting through 226 postings (an average of one post per 3 days), I don't think it would be easy to give up this blog altogether.

Well, I baked an orange cake today and when I told my princess that today was PTR's 2nd birthday, she told me to decorate the cake. Err.. not so pretty but will probably do, eh?

Undeniably, this is one of my fondest places to express myself albeit what I write may only be a fraction of what is in the mind. Mark Twain once said, "The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause."

Hence imagine the numerous drafts written while I paused, often not quite the right timing! *chuckle*

At this very moment, the approximate number of visits to my blog is 155,518. I extend my gratitudes to readers who have somehow found my rantings interesting, inspiring or even worth a read.

So here's to more pauses and reflections!

ps: anyone who wants to link me can do so without asking my permission. Hehe... I don't think I did that to those I've added!

Not now

No mood.

No time.

No good.

Thank you everyone for still clicking in to this site. I've composed many entries in my mind - while driving, while showering, while eating...

When I come back, if I come back, then hope I'll still have good things to write.

What's eating??

Of sister's health:

First round of chemo was a bit too much for dear sis to handle, but she had braved through it, Alhamdulillah... Her next round is next week and I sure hope that it won't be any worse than the first one, if not better.

I'm trying to remind myself that the main reason I've come home is to be with my sister - and provide her with the support she needs, as well as to help her look after the children. Her children are so used to having their mum man their daily activities that they somehow forget that their mum's current health condition prohibits her from being the same mum she used to be. And that is an area I'm trying to help them with. To be around them when they come back from school, talk to them, check on their school work, check on their daily activities (solah, bath time, tea and dinner), and of course, just diverting them from bugging their mum.

Of children and myself:

Alhamdulillah, we're coping... Things are not always fine and dandy, of course, but things can also be worse. With prayers to the Almighty and the greatest faith in Him, we get by, InsyaAllah. We try to keep our days filled with all sorts of activities and also with the best of company. It's a painful journey, at times, but I remind myself that this is the pattern I'll be going through for the years to come. Not too bad, just a little bit lonely. What keeps us going? The rewards of the hereafter!!

Of a dear friend:

I've only met her once - a couple of weeks ago. Our friendship bloomed from the blogosphere, and we hope to meet each other more in the future.

However, the Almighty's testing her in terms of her faith and health. As a breast cancer survivor, she was just informed that it has spread to her ribs, liver, left collarbone nodes and at the nodes at the right jaw. I got her message right after I got some good news for myself, and I felt humbled that the Almighty plans things out differently. On one part of KL there was I - feeling elated, while on the other side, there she was - feeling the opposite. Subhanallah. I know the words I offered were nothing and meaningless, but a prayer for Allah to give her blessings and the best of everything will mean something.

Please pray for the best for our dear sister, Raden Galoh.

Of technology:
Notebook has officially died on me. Hence, the gloom - no updates. Scouting the shops for a good deal that will match the budget (what budget?).


Enough for now. When all's a bit brighter, perhaps, I'll come back with something worth writing!

I've been...

... composing entries in my head, without really typing it out. So much to write, but so much to do too. The school holidays is almost over. Hopefully, I'll be able to sit and write about what's in my head.

For now, I have too many roses to smell. My apologies to fellow bloggers for not blog-hopping as much as I used to. Errr... think this has gone on for more than a month.

Watch this space.

Will be back when I have put the kids to bed after exhausting days, and also when I can put down this book a dear friend gave me yesterday (When the Moon Split - A biography of Prophet Muhammad, compiled by Safiur-Rahman Mubarakpuri). I'm so drawn into it!!

Well, at least I've got my laptop back, Alhamdulillah.

So sorry pals...

So very sorry to cause such a stir back there. Ha Ha Ha! No, people, D is not going to stop blogging. Not yet, anyway!! Pause to reflect has definitely NOT met its end yet.

Perhaps what I wrote was more true of what I felt approximately two months ago. But I have gone beyond that; I have decided that I will go on blogging as long as I have the time and a topic to write about.

However, the reactions of fellow bloggers and silent readers are all very interesting indeed. Now, how do respond to the phone calls and texted messages? How do I explain myself?

Let me respond to the overall comments that came in my last post.

Firstly, I write because I want to write, and I like to write. I love expressing myself using words - written or typed. I have done this through journals, letters, emails, stories, blogs, etc. Now, one can never deny that when you write, you write for an audience. Writing is a mode of communication, and it is important for the writer to always keep the reader in mind. It keeps you focussed. Therefore, when one writes in a blog, and sets it for the whole world to read, the writer has already decided that the blog would be read by the world, normally with a particular group in mind. So, please get this clear: of course I write for myself - no doubt about it, but I also have my audience to think about. I never write simply to please the audience. I do things Lillahita'ala, so I'm fine in this area, don't you fret.

Secondly, when one writes with an audience in mind, he or she would have to be prepared with the consequences of his/her writing and accept all comments given. I do that. Few have been unpleasant, few disrespectful, but I'm done with deleting comments (think I only deleted 3 because they put my name up before I put my picture on the blog for the first time). It's a free world. What's much bettter is, the amount of nice words left in the comment space - more warmth than the freezing cold! So, there goes - I don't care about what people say.

Having said this, however, I cannot deny that writing this blog has changed my world in so many ways. Some may think it's as easy as switching the lights off. Turning a blind eye, waving a goodbye. But no, somehow, my blog started with 0 audience, to about 30 average. Then, it has now gone to hundreds, a bit intriguing that most are silent readers. Flattered I am, but isn't that also spooky? No, some of you don't know this, and cannot imagine this. So, spend some time to reflect on this: you are no longer anonymous and more people who know you are reading your rantings, or reflections. Don't you get a little conscious that you might hurt a certain someone, or provoke certain reactions? I mean, you don't go around telling everyone everything, do you?

Let me also set this clear. I avoided writing depressing entries because I didn't want to feel depressed, and fall deep into the pit again and again. Yes, I am still in bereavement, in 'Iddah - I can still grieve. But please imagine how it is living your days as the 'everything' to your 4 children in a land far, far away. I have friends and relatives, yes. But I still bear everything on my own. I have been like a yoyo - going through life with feelings going up and down. At times, I get tangled in between while at other times, I can 'walk the dog', and enjoy the stroll. It's part of the process. I'm done with going to the doctor's for a sick-note. I decided not to write depressing entries because I hated it when someone comes to say some encouraging words which I already know very well. Instead, my therapy was (and still is) to turn to good friends back home and chat online with them. Thank you peeps!

I have no problem with sharing because I am an educator. I love sharing experiences with others, and am happy if it does help someone somehow. So, I am going on writing here, in this humble blog of mine. Yes, some friends who hang around the same spot as I do (Halwafy, hehe..?), would have known even before I wrote this posting that you have not heard the last of me. There's a book (okay, books actually) in mind now and hopefully with some help from dear ones, I'd get these published soon!(haha - the book I wanted to write last year has gone down the drain since the turn of events: sorry Prof!).

So, thank you for all your support and kind words. This blog will continue with its business as usual. Will try to blog-hop as frequently as before, so my apologies if I have not been that active recently.

If you are interested...

Time for my reviews of the books I have been presented with. I know, friends are asking already, because I have tempted them so. All the books I have chosen have one thing in common: neither one of them is a novel that you have to follow religiously from the beginning to the end. So, that was what I ended doing; I read all four books simultaneously.

Here goes:
Book 1: Growing Up in Trengganu by Awang Goneng
This book is the epitome of a compilation of picturesque descriptions. The words are clearly conjured, enough to make the reader imagine himself in the scene, so clearly painted. Emotions are evoked, and senses aroused. Food, characters, setting and emotions are all nostalgically captured. If you once drooled over Enid Blyton's cakes and scones, then you will definitely drool over Awang Goneng's beluda in cigarette tins. I don't think I have ever tasted a beluda ever, but now I'm dying to have a bite of Pok Mat's delicacy.

Being initiated by the works of Awang Goneng’s blog, http://kecek-kecek.blogspot.com/(thank you Bluewonder, but I have already visited his blogsince some time ago), it is not surprising that he often steps back, recalling bits of what he had already written in previous chapters. I am not from Trengganu but I had enough friends from that state who used the Trengganuspeak to clearly hear the words and phrases Awang Goneng uses, such as Doh Nok Wok Guane.

Being a person who was born and bred in the city, it is a wonder how the enticing words of Awang Goneng injects a feeling of balik kampung and familiarity. Nostalgia? How can that be when I was never really there before? That’s the power of Awang Goneng’s words – he transports you to the land of Trengganu through his magical words.

Book 2: Life is An Open Secret – 18 Inspirational Stories from Ordinary Life Experiences, by Zabrina A. Bakar

If you are thinking of looking for a storyteller for a story-time session, then look no further! Sis Zabrina is the person you’re looking for. Her book is a compilation of only 18 + 1 inspirational stories, but the stories are told with great impact. You can clearly imagine her, all flesh and blood, telling the story to you personally. To me, that is what makes the book special; it challenges you to reflect on your character.

The stories are simple, and some vaguely familiar, but the style of the writing beckons you to read on and turn the pages. You’d find yourself smiling at her nonchalant manner and slices of humour. Quotations are not only extracted from the Quran and Hadith, but are also from famous and wise people from all times and cultures. Among my favourite was this, by Charle Schultz:

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Even though I had finished reading this book last week, I found myself rumaging through it again, when the cookie in me was crumbling a few days ago. With Allah's help, somehow, the words certainly helped me reflect on myself and the situation I am in. Well done and thank you, Sis!

For the other two, I shall have to come back some other frosty morning...

Meeting another blogger

This is my second time meeting a blogger. The first one being mamasarah, this time it is Halwafy. Some of my blog-mates are my friends from primary school, some from secondary, some are ex-colleagues, but mostly, they're friends met in the blogosphere...

Halwafy and her family - Mr S, Big H and Little H arrived on Merdeka evening, from Manchester, after visiting some friends we actually share in common. In Manchester, they stayed at Serigala London's place (an ex-tenant to Halwafy), who's married to my 'ol friend F, who's also Bluewonder's SIL. Aah.. it's a small world!

The initial plan was to bake a Merdeka cake for the kids. Unfortunately, I (smarty-pants!) agreed to bake some carrot cupcakes for a friend to sell at the London Merdeka fest (at Tun Abdul Razak Rubber Research Inst, Brickendonbury, Hertford). Somehow, there were more things to do before the arrival of our guests; my hands were full! Hence, no Merdeka cake (yet!). Our dinner menu was:

• asam pedas mackerel
• kerabu manggo
• black beef curry

*all served with rice

I know I should have prepared a Malay dessert (since it was Merdeka) but I only managed to fix the dessert at the eleventh hour. Ergo, it was my simplest speciality : tiramisu for adults and trifle for the kids - only to discover the next day that coffee keeps Mr S awake and he couldn't go to sleep the night before! Woopsi!!

I know I have only known Halwafy from her blog and have only seen glimpses of her in her blog photos. Yet, it's different when you've actually known someone via the virtual world. You know some things that has happened in their lives but there are still so much you don't know - family background, academic background, etc. Well, of course, the physical being is another factor as it's often kept somewhat anonymous.

Mr D and I immediately felt at ease with Halwafy and family. In fact, it was difficult for me to think that I've only known her through blogs. I think I even forgot to introduce Mr D and myself properly, only assuming that we've actually gone through it already! Oh, dear!! Bad, bad host!!

After roti jala and chicken curry for breakfast the next morning, we brought our guests to Coombe Abbey Park. That brought memories to us all because the first time we went there was with mamasarah and family (oh, dear, when are we going to get over this??!!).

Kids had fun running around and feeding the ducks. After the park, Mr S treated us all at a Thai restaurant - in celebration of his recent triumph! Congratulations and thank you Mr S!!

Hope to keep the friendship blooming and I'm also looking forward to meeting other fellow-bloggers...

curiosity killed the cat...

Meeooow...

Do you ever wonder who reads your blog? Sometimes they make themselves known by leaving a comment but at other times, they just pass through almost without a mark. When you check your visitors, you tend to get a mixture of emotions...

So what's the next step? Do you say hello to the visitor who tiptoed in and out your blog ever so silently? Do you totally ignore the visit? Or do you also secretly hop over to their blogs to learn more about the mysterious blogger?

What comes to your mind when you get newcomers? Where did this person come from? Which blog did he/she hop from? What's in my blog for him/her?

What if you discovered that you shared some common grounds with the silent reader? A person from your hometown, the school/uni you used to go to, the company you used to work in, etc... Would it make a difference? What if the person is of the opposite sex? Interested? Curious again?

I have hopped to many blogs without leaving a mark and I go back because I enjoy the read. Ergo, I never mind any visits from strangers or friends. I may have been a wee bit curious at times, but I'd say, kill the cat before curiosity beats you to it!

For those reading, I thank you for wanting to click on this humble blog. Have you paused and reflected here?

...hence in hiatus

Short one. Mr D is away, admitted into the hospital for some complication he's been suffering for almost two months. I'll only be able to resume once he's back on his feet and everything else is in place. I'm also having visitors - my ex-student and her friend. Their presence is so timely as they have been keeping us (especially the children) company.

I also have so many great friends around, all offering various kinds of help. Thank you.

Please pray Mr D will be well soon.

As I was saying, hence in hiatus...

The Bloggers' Current Trend

I GOT A NICELY WRAPPED GIFT YESTERDAY!!!

I must say that the discovery of great bloggers via this humble blog of mine has brought wonderful experiences. Perhaps it is much more appreciated when one is thousands of miles away from the land called home. Four months ago, I discovered that a name quite familiar amongst some bloggers actually lives in the same city as I am! Upon more investigation, I found out that she lives only a block away. She had us over and we had her over too - only to be surprised with a present, all beautifully wrapped in pink!

Yesterday, another kind blogger sent me, who doesn't really frequent her blog that much, a nicely wrapped gift via her sister who was travelling in Europe. Obviously, it was all impossible without dear neighbour-blogger. The whole family was extremely excited! Without having a chance to snap a photo of the package, everyone was eagerly sitting in a circle wondering what was inside. Questions like: "Siapa bagi ni Mama?", "Birthday siapa Mama?" and "Kenapa Aunty mamasarah bagi kita present?" were thrown in, among others.

They carefully unwrapped the package and in were some keropok ikan (woohoo!!) with a few packets of spices. So, yesterday we enjoyed a plateful of long-craving keropok dipped in chilly sauce/tomato sauce. When I was frying them in the kitchen, all were eager to watch me do the miracle job. Abang Z even admitted that he forgot how the outcome of fried keropok looks like! Oh, dear, and we haven't even been here for a year.

To maklang, thank you loads from us all. It is actually very touching because we don't really know each other that much (damn, tears running down the cheek now!). In return, I can only pray the best for you and your family...

What does it say about bloggers? You pause and reflect.

be a blogger!

I came across an article in The Sydney Morning Herald (April 19, 2007 ) where our ex-PM, Tun Mahathir defends bloggers. Long live bloggers!!! Hurrah!! I am going to steer away from all the political stance because what I want to highlight here is what Tun Mahathir pointed out. According to him, the current controlling media in Malaysia now has made people turn to the bloggers for news!

I suddenly feel like walking tall - I'm a blogger and I spread news! So, chuck away the saying: "No news is good news" because here we are with news that is ALL GOOD!

On that note, my dear blogger-friends, hope that what we write will be more good to mankind, and not the other way round.

Well, you know the debate: Bloggers are liars vs Bloggers are saviours! I'm leaving it to you to pause and reflect on this matter.