If you pulled up the sleeves of my shirt, don't be surprised if you see a line of blue bruises on my arm. That's to illustrate how often I still have to pinch myself every time I think of the past 19 months. So surreal.
To some it may seem like a long time already. Enough time for a bleeding heart to heal (borrowing the words of MHB), to recover from grief and bereavement, and to get back on my feet and move on. Some even have funny ideas about what I should and should not be doing.
To some others, the wind has been breezing through. So fast has time sailed pass that it almost went unnoticed.
Yet, regardless what, I still get a shiver down my spine when a vivid image of his laughing eyes and wonderful company comes haunting. I still drive with tears streaming down my cheeks when one of our songs goes on air, such as Aerosmith's I don't want to miss a thing; or sleep on a wet pillow at night, realising that our love was short-lived. These do not happen everyday but when it does, it actually humbles the self and strengthens the faith.
Hence, I continue to count my blessings He has given us all. I keep the children entertained with stories of what their late dad and I experienced while bringing them up. From things they used to say to things they used to do - the children love reminiscing the past that they hardly recall. In fact, Aerosmith's song was our dedication to our precious moments together bringing up the children, with the line 'And I don't want to miss a thing' sung every time one of them becomes extremely curious or inquisitive...
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing