Monday, November 19, 2007

We are NOT alone...

Last night, when we left Birmingham airport, we were hit by a sleet storm (for those who aren't so familiar, sleet is a mixture of rain and snow). In literature, that is what we call pathetic fallacy, when nature is personified and linked to human emotions.

Ten minutes earlier, infront of the departure gate, each of the children kissed their grandad's hand and hugged him. When it was time for Little D, tears were welling up in his eyes. For the past few weeks, we had said goodbye to so many people already: Pak Ngah Hashim, Opah, Atok Alam and Pak Ngah Nonong. However, Little D had always seemed fine until last night. We watched Tok Bah walk to the counter and waved a frantic goodbye. Then, Little D hugged me tight. I knew that he already missed his grandad as much as he missed his dad. I carried him in my arms heading to the carpark and realised that we were walking in a sleet storm.

We cuddled up together during bedtime, and I tried my best to put my children out of their worries and insecurities. They had bombarded me with personal questions which I, as a young child, would never have dreamt of asking any adult! Tactfully as I could, I answered one by one, hoping that what I said were the answers they wanted to hear and good enough for everyone.

This morning, Little D woke up very unhappy. Unlike the few other days when he wails and cries his heart out, this morning he sobbed like a big boy. Five days short of being five, tears were rolling down his cheeks. I hugged him and asked what the problem was.

I want grandad...

I couldn't contain the despair in me and kept him in my arms. I didn't want to let go, just as much as he didn't want to get ready for school. Still, reality has to be faced, no matter how much we are against it. I kissed him and coaxed him into going to school,

If you love grandad, you must remember to do what he wants you to do. He'd want you to go to school, so you'd better not disappoint him, okay?

And, as always, I succeeded. I look down at my little boy and knew that he was already growing into a big one. Although many seem to think that he is oblivious to what's happening around him, I know that he's the one who misses his dad to bits. Last week, I tucked him in bed a little bit earlier than the others because he looked rather tired. After reciting his usual du'as, he fell silent. A minute later, I heard a small voice squeak, Who's next?

What do you mean? I questioned.

Who's next to die?

My heart sank. As honestly as I could, I told him that anyone could be next but regardless what, Allah will always be with us... We will never be alone.

29 comments:

Kak Elle said...

A very sad scenario & I guess it will be the same for me too if one day father were to leave me ... and being alone ... pertemuan dan ajal di tangan NYA ... saya pasrah.

So little D will be 5 in 5 days time...ok ok An early birthday wishes from aunty elle and hope little D will help look after mummy bila dah besar nanti.

*lots of hugs*

~ iNa ~ said...

:-)

anggerik merah said...

So cute little D.

You are doing it right. Hang tough dear..

Take care.

A.Z. Haida said...

tight hugs and lots of kisses for little D

not every thing will be all right instantly; but it will be, insya Allah...

my do'a with you and the kids always

Dr Z said...

I was 5 years old when my dad passed away. That was 27 years ago. And like little D, I had a wonderful and strong mum that looked after me as best as she could, me being the youngest of six. Now I work as a doctor, with a wife and child of my own.

I admit that through your writings I am reliving a certain part of my childhood. And I had felt the uncertainty that little D feels.

To little D, do not be disheartened. Grow up, be strong and do all the things that would have made your daddy proud. And pray for him as your mummy has taught you to do. Ameen..

razmi said...

no movie this time. kindergarten graduation day, a holistic irony.

as we all watched Nurin's and her pals prepared for their roles in the occasion last Sunday, an Ustaz who also works at PJ Campus and sat behind me commented something which made me smile and thankful.

that day he found out that Shasha is a cerebral palsy girl and said that i have received more hidayahs from Allah than certain people and he looked envious. 3 seconds of silence and i smiled.

Alhamdulillah. i was tested and still being tested.

D? same boat but different oceans and seas. but a test is still a test. measurable? how could we. only Allah knows. perhaps more to come. who knows? again, only Allah knows.

p.s. Iiya Kannakbudhu Waiiya Kannastain

bimmer553 said...

can't help feeling very sorry for little D. take care !

maklang said...

maklang kalau masuk sini mesti nak nangis...

kesian little D..kalau lah dekat nak maklang pinjam so that can play with Abang Hakim and Ucop anak alang...

Take care D...

hugs from all of us di Kerteh.

akutakcerdik said...

lil D,
why think seperately
of this life and the next
when one is born from the last

klikcrazy said...

waz here...

idham

mynn said...

just in case i'm not here in 5 days: happy birthday to little D. wish we were still there in coventry just to be there for you guys

mrs hafiz said...

hi D.

found ur blog when i bloghop.. :(
i was struck by ur entry "he's gone"

well, my hubby has been diagnosed with blood cancer recently.. :(

hope we both will gain the strength to get on with life..

myfisol said...

certainly, little D is a true reflection of a true love..best wishes to little D

ajzie said...

Kelu saya seketika...

Anyway ..
Happy Birthday in advance to little D..


Take Care and Hugs frm me..

Salam

Wiz said...

My little boy turned 5 today and I couldn't ever imagine if he would be as strong as your little D. Neither could I imagine if I could be as strong as you. You are doing great with your kids Miss D, I admire your parenting skills. You may not realize it but with you and your stories going public like this, you have generated the strength of many people who pray and say amin for you and your kids. And that is a blessing in itself.

Anonymous said...

a'kum D...

hmm...its human behavior...u cant possibly tell people's mind....as it all started in our own's mind...based on our own assumptions that we learned from the past and from people's experience...

as such...i dont think its Little D's.... it is u.....

its alrite...to feel sad, its alrite to feel lost... after all we are all "insan".... rite....

cried out loud D ....its ok....its ok.....

NJ said...

Salam D,

NJ was here...as always speechless, can't find words... just hang in there ok.

Yes, Allah will always be with us.

*Hug*

Nor lia said...

You have demostrated such strength and character, that I know everyone will join me in saying that YOU are a VERY SPECIAL person.

You have inspired so many including me and has given so many hope in their lives, regardless of the situation they're in.

And most of all, we continue to learn so much from you, from what you've been through and how you see life and it tests from Allah.

I pray that Allah will always shine His afiat, penjagaan, rahmat and nikmat on you and your family.

Your muslim sister,
NN

Anak Mami said...

I paused for a while after reading ur blog particularly the "he's gone" entry.. and I reflected my life after that.. what I have done and what I have achieved so far... It definitely gave me new perspective in life...

Thanks Kak D for sharing a little of your life story.. and hang in there.. Allah SWT akan selalu bersama hambaNya yang sentiasa redha..

anamiraa said...

kak D,
time will numb the wound. until then what you need is just to survive this world.

yes, ALLAH is with us all the time. what else can we ask for?

elara said...

My empathy goes to little D. Wish you and your boys well.

p/s Just wonder whether scones,a mixture of biscuits & cakes could also be considered as pathetic fallacy.

rizal_a said...

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose...tk care d...

Norma Kassim said...

May Allah swt grant you patience and strength to continue your journey and mission.

cikdinz said...

kak D, kalau lah sy di tempat kak.
mcm mana lah sy nak buat agaknya.

kc said...

i was here too. couldn't contain my feelings anymore that i had to drop a few tears.

my heart goes out to little d.

MAMAMIA said...

Dropped by.

Lost for words. Take care...

UglyButAdorable said...

salam mrs D

innalillah...my condolences to you. it's a lil't bit late since i;ve been out from blogging sphere for quite sometime.

semoga sis D tabah menghadapi dugaan ini..berat lagi mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul..i wish for you and family well

to mr D may his soul rest in peace in HIS jannah and that we will be his neighbours...insya Allah

13may said...

Salam Kak D...
Jaga diri :)

Nero ...... said...

Litte D..byk sabar ye sayang...doakan ur daddy ye..